NEGATIVE (N)ELLIE
Have you ever gone through one of those periods, where the trials feel like they will never end? When one trial ends, and you have just enough time to catch your breath before the next one smacks you in the face? (I have heard that is similar to what contractions are like, so maybe I am being prepared for labor). Where you are constantly praying for some form of relief? It’s almost like you look both ways before crossing the street, ensure that no traffic is coming, and somehow still manage to get hit by a car.
This has been the past eight months of my life. I feel like after one trial ends, I get about .5 seconds to take a breath and settle in for the next one. Now, I am well aware that I have it pretty good, and there are those who have it way worse off than me, but the past little bit has been rough for me. I feel like I can’t ever get a good footing on my life. When I am finally able to solve one problem, two more come to take its place. Despite my excessively negative outlook on this situation (I did name my blog Negative (N)ellie for a reason), looking back on the past eight months, I feel slightly grateful. Slightly.
I have always been bad at dealing with hard times. My mom often calls me a dweller, someone who feeds off of the negativity and hard times in their life. For some reason, my natural reaction to a hardship is to continually dwell on all that is going wrong. I am fantastic at overanalyzing situations to death, discovering every possible thing that could go wrong, and then obsessing about those possibilities (My parents look like saints, huh?). This has been my coping mechanism for hard times for the past twenty-two years. Instead of dealing with the problem in a direct, problem solving way, I like to mope around, analyze all of the things, complain a lot, make everyone else around me sad, and finally “solve” the problem. I know, such a delight.
You can imagine my parents joy in the fact that for the past eight months, this has been their life. They just can’t seem to get rid of Mopey Ellie. (Maybe that is why my dad wants to marry me off so bad! He wants someone else to have to deal with all of this negativity). However, after twenty-two years of life, I have had an epiphany! I can CHOOSE to be happy. That is right, I have a choice in how I react to trials. Now, I am sure to everyone else, this seems like a duh answer, but for me it has been a game changer. (Took me long enough.) All of my life I have been taught that Heavenly Father blessed us with our free agency to choose, and yet I was not using that blessing to aid me in my trials. Sure, I would pray for strength to overcome the trial, and to just be happy, but he can’t really work with me if I am not willing to choose to be happy. He can’t magically make me a happier person. I have to be an active participant in the process, by putting in a solid effort.
Finally, I have realized that moping around, eating pints of ice cream, and focusing on the negative does not make me happy. It does not better the situation, by any means. On the contrary, it usually makes the situation four billion times worse. So, I have decided to make a change. I am going to try my best to no longer be Negative (N)ellie, but instead be Happy Ellie (I’ll admit, it does not have as good of a ring to it). When trials come, I am going to try my best to analyze them an appropriate amount (I still have to find a solution, ya’ll), count the blessings I do have, and then get to work. I am not going to ruin the lives of everyone around me, and myself, by dwelling on only the negative in my life. No one wants to hang out with a person like that. Instead, when times get tough, I am going to try my best to serve those around me. Through our church’s #LighttheWorld Campaign, I have learned that service is the best way to distract your mind from your own struggles, and truly brings lasting happiness. I thought it was a myth this whole time!
Now, I am well aware that this is not going to be an easy change. Change is rarely easy, and change is really hard when you are fighting against your natural instincts. However, I know with the help of my Savior and Heavenly Father (and a ton of hard work), I can do it. One of my goals in this life is to become as much like Christ as I possibly can, and last time I checked he was not a Negative (N)ellie. He was constantly serving others, and focusing on the blessings he had. I know I will never be perfect like Christ was, but I know emulating Him is what will make me the most happy in this life. So, I am grateful for these eight months of trials (shocker, I know). I think they were the kick in the pants I needed to change my mindset to a more positive one. Hopefully, I can make this change stick (I would recommend sticking around for this show, it is bound to be hilarious).
P.S. I can already hear everyone I know saying, “Ellie, you are so positive! I have never once seen you be negative!”. It is a façade everyone! I am putting on a façade, tricking you all into being my friends. Muahahahah! (Ask my mom, I am for sure a Negative (N)ellie)