ONE MONTH IN
Well, it has been about a month since I started this blogging adventure. The past thirty-one days have not been anything like the picture I had created in my mind. However, I have learned a lot, and I am very grateful for the experiences I have gained. If we are being honest, though, I have been feeling a little bit discouraged. Before I started this crazy ride, I gave myself this pep talk:
“Ok, Ellie. Breathe. Not everyone is going to like your blog. It maybe a while before anything really big happens with it. Heck, maybe nothing is meant to happen with it. Maybe you are just supposed to learn to be ok with failure from this situation. You should just be proud you were willing to put yourself out there”
Even with that stellar pep talk I was able to give myself, the last few weeks have been a little tough. I have amazing friends and family, who have taken time out of their busy lives to support me in this journey (I can seriously never thank you guys enough. You do not know how much your kind words have meant to me). However, despite trying to go in with the lowest of expectations, and remember all of the great blessings I have gained, I am still a little bummed. For some reason, I am forever under the illusion that if I follow the promptings I receive from the Spirit, my blessings should be instantaneous, and exactly how I want them to be. You want me to serve a mission? Fine, but I better be eating delicious German chocolate pretty soon! You want me to start writing a blog? Sure, but it better take off the day I write it, everyone better love it, and the followers better just start pouring in!
In the above paragraph we learn that I for sure need to reel in my expectations. I promise you I went into this experience knowing that writing this blog may just be a learning experience for me, and may not really turn into anything. Apparently, I have had a bout of amnesia. Suddenly, I am so bummed at the fact that my blog is not taking off. So many questions are running circles in my head. Is there something else I should be doing? Am I sharing too much? Am I sharing too little? Do I even want my blog to become something bigger than it is, or am I just following society's view on what “success” is? Maybe my mom really is the only one that thinks I am funny.
I am always amazed at how the Lord is in the seemingly insignificant details of our lives. As I have mentioned, my calling in my church is to be a leader for the Young Women. My fellow leaders and I each take one Sunday a month to teach the girls a lesson in church (which never gets easier, no matter how many times I do it), and my designated day to each is the fourth Sunday of each month. Now, you maybe shocked (not), but I way over prepare for my lessons. I start reading and praying weeks in advance, because I want all the extra time I can get to be guided by the Spirit on what to say and do (Can you imagine the train wreck that would occur if I had to prepare each lesson by myself? I need ALLLLLL of the help I can get). A couple of weeks ago, one of my fellow leaders asked me if I could teach the second Sunday instead of the fourth. Here were the thoughts that began racing through my brain: (Enter stage right, Drama Queen Ellie)
1. I am not mentally prepared to teach on the Sunday that is not mine.
2. Sunday is in two days. (For a normal person, that is plenty of time to prepare a lesson. For Negative Nellie? Not even close.)
As I reached for my cell phone to type the word “No”, I felt a sure prompting from the Spirit, encouraging me to agree to fill in. I was overcome with immediate peace, and quickly replied Yes (I know, I was as surprised as you are). As I was thumbing through the lessons, trying to decide which one to prepare over the next two days, one in particular really stuck out to me. It was a lesson discussing who we are as Children of God, and who we can become. I quickly decided that was the lesson I was going to teach. I listened to the suggested talks (given by General Authorities of our Church) that accompanied the lesson, which contained principles that I could use to help the girls understand their worth as Daughters of God. As I listened to these amazing talks, I was overcome with gratitude that this sweet leader had asked me to fill in for her this week. I immediately knew that this lesson was one I needed, possibly more than the girls did.
It can be so easy to forget that we are Children of God, and that he loves and cares for us. He has an incredible, unique plan for each of our lives, with wonders we cannot even imagine. I know, that for some reason, writing this blog is apart of my plan. What that specific reason is, I cannot tell you. However, I know that whatever comes of this blog, the Lord is proud of me. He doesn’t care if I have five subscribers or five thousand, he is proud of the fact that I am willing to follow the promptings he has given me. To Him, the past couple of weeks do not make me a failure. If my blog never takes off, he will still consider it a success. What power and comfort these thoughts bring to me.
In the grand scheme of things, the success of this blog doesn’t really matter. I will forever be grateful for the blessings it does bring, and for the unique perspective it has given me on my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I am His Daughter. You are his Child. He truly loves all of us and has a plan for all of us. Don’t get discouraged by the failures that come. You never know what “failures” are successes. Remember who are you are, turn to Him, and you will always feel like a winner.
P.S. Please do not take this post as a ploy to get more subscribers, or to make those who don’t have the time to read my blog feel guilty (Although it is shocking to me, I do realize you all have lives outside of me). I hope instead this post lifts you up when times are hard, and reminds you that you have a Father in Heaven who loves you, is proud of you, and has an incredible plan for you and your life. If that message came across, then I feel like even more of a winner.