GIFT OF PEACE
Lately it feels like my life has been a whirlwind of decisions, stress, laughter, sweeping, and lots of running. The past three months have been crazy busy, but I am so grateful for all of the wonderful experiences that the craziness has included. One in particular I am especially excited about is finally receiving my diploma for my Associates Degree in University Studies (there was a hot minute where it seemed like some of my classes from BYU were not going to count, and I was not going to graduate). For four blissful seconds, it felt so wonderful to have completed one of my goals, and then the stress set in. Now I really have to make a decision. While the jury was still out on my graduation, I could float through life for a little bit. I could feel ok not making any decisions about the future, since “technically” it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t move forward in life. Now that the piece of paper is in my hand, everything changes.
The Youth theme for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints this year is Peace In Christ (D&C 19:23), and I am beginning to think that the Lord picked that theme just for me (sorry to the rest of the youth at large). After listening to the songs, lessons, and feelings I have had about finding peace in Christ, it has caused me to reflect on some of the many times that I have felt peace and comfort because of the Savior. With all of the stress and sorrow going on in the world today, I really felt the need to share one of the experiences I have had where the Savior has gifted me with peace and calm. Maybe it is just meant to remind me of the many times I have felt peace because of my Savior (because obviously I need that reminder), but I hope that it helps someone to know that they always have the Savior to turn to in times of trouble, and in times of happiness.
The time that sticks out the most in my mind comes from my short-lived missionary experience (seriously, how did I learn so many lessons in just a month and a half?). So, lets set the scene:
Imagine: A twenty-year-old New Mexico girl, freezing her bum off in the streets of Michigan. After knocking on several doors with no success, her sweet companion agrees to return home, as they both hope that a snack will help to cure the girl’s migraine. A scene similar to this tends to repeat itself over and over again for the course of a week. One companion sleeps on the floor like a slug, while the other is stuck completing Weekly Planning all on her own (I know, I am possibly the worst person ever for leaving her alone with that task). The young New Mexico girl begins to wonder, “Should I go home early?”. No one sets out on their mission thinking about coming home early. They think about the wonderful people they will teach, finally seeing snow in Michigan, and how much their own testimony will grow because of this wonderful experience. And yet, here she was, praying, crying, and wrestling with a decision she never thought she would have to make. One night, as knelt down and cried into a chair, the answer came to her. It was time to go home.
In case I managed to lose you with the wonderful tale I just wove, the young New Mexico missionary was me 😉. After being blessed with my answer to return home, I had to make some of the scariest phone calls of my life. Thinking that we had at least a week left together, my companion and I went about our Saturday as usual, assuming we would have plenty of time to make the most out of my fleeting moments in Michigan. We were stunned when we got the call that I would be leaving that very next Tuesday. As we scrambled to pack, say goodbyes, and go to the famous donut shop in town, I began to have major doubts about my decision to return home early. Thoughts such as: “Maybe I was just being a baby, I mean, I am not exactly known for my high pain tolerance”, “This decision is not a light one, what if I regret it for the rest of my life?”, “Did I really feel the spirit, or were those just my own thoughts creeping into my mind?”, began circling in my mind.
I can vividly remember my suitcase sitting stoically next to our sliding glass door, as I whipped around like a tornado, attempting to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. With these doubts and concerns constantly hitting the inside of my head, I was bustling around with a prayer in my heart, hoping that I was making the right decision. As I knelt by my suitcase to pack I don’t even remember what, I was hit with one of the strongest feelings of peace I have ever felt. I was almost brought to tears as I could feel my Savior and Heavenly Father comforting me and letting me know that I had made the right decision. For some reason, I needed to return home early. I was not going to regret this decision for the rest of my life, because it was the right decision.
In this bustling, busy, crazy world we live in, it can be so hard to find moments of peace. The last year has not been the least bit what I expected it to be, but I am so grateful for all of the experiences it has brought me, and for the many moments of peace. Now, as I come upon some big life decisions (Like, when, what, where, how, and WHY Utah?), I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the Savior’s gift of peace. Not only has He gifted me peace in the times of waiting, but I know that He will gift me peace when it is time to make some of these big decisions. He will help me to know what the right choices are, and gift me comfort and calm when they are not the decisions I want to make. I am forever grateful that I have been gifted the knowledge of knowing who to turn to in my times of turmoil. He is always there, wanting to celebrate with us in the times of triumph, and comfort us in the times of sorrow. He is there even when we are being stubborn, angry, and bitter (trust me, I know this from personal experience). He is always there to help us through any situation that might come our way. I know that He truly does lead and guide our lives to incredible places and experiences we cannot even imagine (even if those things are in Utah). I cannot wait to see where He leads me, and I am so grateful for the peace He gives me in between.