SHINING MY LIGHT
This past week in Young Womens we put on a program where the girls were able to display their many talents and accomplishments. The theme we chose for this program was “Let Your Light Shine”, with which we hoped to show the girls how important their respective “lights” are in this ever-darkening world. As we blew up balloons, unfolded chairs, and made tassels (I will never make another tassel again, by the way. Do NOT call me for any of your tasseling needs), I began to wonder what I could do to let my light shine more. If I was teaching the girls that they could use their lights to share the Gospel, I should probably be a good example of doing just that (this leader thing is hard!). Now, I’m not saying this blogging thing is a “light” of mine that I can let shine (I am really surprised anyone actually read the complaining marathon that went on last week). However, this is a platform I have, where I can share the thousands of daily blessings I receive from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The “light” that I needed to share on my blog came to me at the most random of times. While preparing my talk for the evening, or laying out a tablecloth, I suddenly knew exactly what I needed to write about: My first experience with reading the Book of Mormon.
So, let’s set the scene. I am a sixteen year old living in South Eastern New Mexico. I believe I had switched over to Cross Country and Track at this point in time (and was somewhat hating it), still had platinum blonde hair, was obsessed with The Beach Boys, and had only one dream: Go to BYU. Didn’t matter what major I pursued, where I lived, or if I had a car or not, BYU was where my life was finally going to start, and I was going to do anything to make my dream happen (if you’d like to read about my short lived BYU experience, click here). In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints they have a program set up for the Young Women of the church called Personal Progress. This program allows Young Women to learn their divine worth and develop Christlike attributes through a series of activities and projects. I am not going to lie, Personal Progress was not my favorite activity to participate in when I was a teenager. However, when one of my Young Women’s leaders said completing it might help one get into BYU, I was all in! (despite having possibly the worst motivation behind completing Personal Progress, it truly did bless my life. It helped me to realize who I was, and who I could become.)
One of the projects that Personal Progress asks the Young Women of the church to complete is to read The Book of Mormon. Now, I had read sections of the Book of Mormon before, and knew many of the scripture stories from it, but I had never actually read it all the way through by myself. At sixteen years old, I decided it was finally time to read the Book of Mormon in its entirety. 1. Because it was a requirement for Personal Progress, and I needed to get into BYU. 2. I knew that in the town I lived in, I needed to know for myself whether or not The Book of Mormon was true. Being one of the few members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in my area gave me many missionary moments to explain what I believed. However, having never read the Book of Mormon all the way through, I began to feel like quite the hypocrite. If I expected others to (hopefully) feel the Spirit when I spoke, and be touched by my testimony, I needed to know for myself that the book was true.
So, I got to reading. I can’t remember how long it took me to complete the Book of Mormon. I mostly remember precious moments sat upon my bed, as I quickly tried to finish a chapter before it was time to leave for school. I finally finished the Book of Mormon one early morning, during a break from school. As I turned that last page, and finished Moroni’s parting and important words, I got on my knees, and began to pray earnestly to know if this amazing book was true. The Book of Mormon promises its' readers that if they read the book and ask our Heavenly Father with real intent to know if it is true, they will know for themselves that it is true. As I knelt by my bed, and prayed to know if the book was true, I expected this profound, miraculous moment to occur.
Well, nothing really happened. I didn’t have this earth shattering, amazing feeling enter my heart, but I didn’t have any terrible, heart wrenching feelings happen, either. I just felt really normal, and immediately interpreted that as a bad thing (‘twas not a bad thing). As I walked into our kitchen and saw my mom sitting at the computer, I ran to her side and began to cry. She held me as I blubbered, “Mom! I didn’t get an answer”. I am more and more thankful every day that Heavenly Father blessed me with such an incredible mom. He truly knew that I needed her. As I cried into her lap, she asked me to explain exactly what had happened. As I explained that I hadn’t had a miraculous vision, but instead just felt normal, she gave me a sweet, heartfelt smile, and said some of the wisest words I have ever heard. “Honey, maybe that is because you already know it is true” (Y’all, this is one of the most in-tune with the Spirit women I have ever met). Hmm, I had never thought of it that way! I decided to pray again to my Heavenly Father, and ask if the reason I felt so normal about everything, was because in my heart I had always known that the Book of Mormon was true. As I knelt down to pray that second time, and felt the comforting, peaceful feelings of the Spirit, I knew in my heart that the Book of Mormon truly was the word of God, and that it was something I had always known.
I have received many answers to my prayers just like this one. Whether it is a life question, a doctrinal question, or a question as to whether or not I have truly been forgiven of a specific sin I have committed, many times I receive the answer that I already know the answer. I am so grateful for how much my first experience with the Book of Mormon has taught me about how my Heavenly Father communicates with me. I am also, forever and always, grateful for the Book of Mormon. I know, without the shadow of doubts of a teenage girl, that it is true. The Book of Mormon has brought me some of the greatest moments of comfort in my life, taught me to be more like my Savior, showed me how much my Savior and Heavenly Father love me, and even helped me to know that coming home early from my mission was what I needed to too. It truly is another Testament of Jesus Christ, and those who read it learn more about Him, more about His love for us, and how to become more like Him. It truly was written for our day, and I am grateful everyday for the blessing that it is in my life. I can never repay it for the blessings and lessons it has given me. I do not want to know who I would be without the Book of Mormon.
P.S. This is a judgement free zone on (N)egative Nellie, so do not judge my horrible selfie-taking skills!