THE SAME THREE GIFTS
This year has been quite the doozy, and it for sure did not turn out like the image I had created in my head. I figured I might (begrudgingly) be in Utah right now, and finally on the path towards my dream career (which I was obviously going to figure out at some point during 2018). Well, if you have been here for more than three seconds, you are well aware that none of those things came to pass. Living up to my title, I was pretty upset with my Heavenly Father and Savior this year, and threw many a temper tantrum in an attempt to solve my problems (really great plan. cannot recommend it more highly). All I could think was,
“Hey! I think I’m a pretty alright person. I try to be the best that I can be. Why is NOTHING working out??? Couldn’t you throw me some kind of safety rope to latch on to? It would be nice to go to parties and have made at least a baby step towards progression!!”
It always amazes me that despite my terrible attitude, and sometimes miniscule amounts of faith, the Lord and my Heavenly Father are literally always there for me. They put up with Negative (N)ellie on a 24/7 basis, and yet somehow still love me, and still want what is best for my life. (Those are some real MVPs) Throughout this entire year, I have seen their hands, leading and guiding me towards the right directions, and giving me much needed tender mercies. Even when I was acting like a stinker, their companionship never wavered. One of the sweetest ways I have felt their love this year was when I received the same three gifts.
Let’s paint the picture, shall we? It’s Januaryish of 2018, and I had just started my blogging adventure. Going in with very reasonable expectations, I expected to be a world-renowned blogger by at least June. (I mean, have you read my Ode To Fußball? That is some high quality writing) However, as the days went by, I felt like I wasn’t gaining much traction in the blogging world. It felt like it was just me and my mom reading the blogs every week, and it was getting a little hard to want to continue. (I have now learned that I have amazing friends and family who take the time out of their days to read my dumb words. I am forever grateful for that!) I began to wonder whether or not writing this blog was something the Lord had really wanted me to do, or if I should just quit and try not to be too embarrassed of my failure. Then, I received the first of my three gifts.
My fellow Young Women’s leader (one of the most in-tune, spiritual ladies I have ever met) gave me an incredible picture of our Savior, and it just happened to be my favorite depiction of Him. That gift was exactly what I needed at that moment. As I taught lessons about Christ, looked at that picture, and tried my best to fulfill my calling, I realized what was really important in life. It didn’t matter if my blog ever made it big, or if the only people reading it were my mom and my grandpa. I had done what my Savior and Heavenly Father had asked me to do. I had put myself out there, despite being terrified, and they would always be proud of me for that. With the help of the picture, I regained a newfound hope from my Savior. I needed the reminder that He would always be there to support me in my journey, be proud of me, and guide me down the path that would make me the happiest.
Fast forward to Mayish, and I am just as confused as ever (if you would like to read my entire, confusing thought process from May, click here). I kept getting these feelings that I should take a summer class, so I could finish my Associates Degree and move on to the next chapter of life, but that is not something I wanted to do. Finishing my degree meant that I would actually have to make life decisions, and that did not seem fun. At all. So, being the really mature person that I am, I decided to just shove those feelings down, and ignore them. “Surely, they will go away!” I thought. They did not go away. In fact, they got stronger.
As I grappled with what I felt was a gigantic leap of faith, I was presented with my second gift by my sweet mother. It was the exact same picture of Christ that I had received in January, and just like before, it reminded me of who I have to lean on during the storms of life. Was I completely and utterly terrified to take that jump and bring on some important changes in my life? Yup. Did I want to make big decisions about my life right then and there? Nope. Did I want to finish up school, and then move to Utah? Nope. However, I could not shake the feeling that I knew who was guiding me, and that I could trust Him. He had never led me astray in the past, and He is the only person who knows exactly how I feel when I am scared, frustrated, angry, and defiant. He knew how I felt as I worried about making life’s big decisions, and yet, He was still encouraging me to go down that unknown path. How could I not trust the only person who has ever been in my shoes?
Finally, it is November. After a super long day, I came home and threw myself into my mother’s lap, and just cried (that’s right, boys, this dramatic girl is still available!). She rubbed my back and attempted to calm me down that best she could, but there was no stopping that crying train. I sulked to my room, hoping to be able to quickly fall asleep and forget the entire day had ever happened. The LAST thing I wanted to do was read my scriptures and say my prayers, I was exhausted. However, knowing that doing those things was probably what was going to make me feel better, I begrudgingly pulled out my phone and began to read.
The waterfall of tears was almost restarted, as I read Helaman 3:27-28. Oh, how I needed to hear those comforting words, and remember who I could call upon in times of trouble. As I began to rethink the trial I was facing, I remembered the sweet gift I had been given just a few days before. One of my best friends ever had come to visit me, and while she was here, my mind was completely distracted from my silly trials. I was able to step out of myself, not care about what others thought, and laugh until I almost cried. As I was stepping out of her minivan, and waving goodbye to the cutest kids on the planet, she handed me my third gift. Yup, the same picture of Christ. My incredible, in-tune friend was reminding me that we always have Christ to turn to in our trials. He will buoy us up, carry us when needed, send amazing friends to help us, and answer our prayers. We can always trust Him, even in our thickest of trials.
I know, without a doubt, that I did not receive the same picture three times, just by coincidence. Those pictures came into my life when I need them most, and helped me to remember that I always have my Savior by my side. Despite only receiving three gifts Himself that beautiful night, Christ has given me an innumerable amount of gifts, including the most incredible gift of all, the Atonement. I know that Jesus Christ came to this earth, all of those years ago, and that the heavens really did sing in joy. He suffered all of my sins, my heartaches, and my triumphs, and knows exactly how to get me through them. He made it possible for me to be forgiven, to be sealed to my family forever, and to live with Him again someday. He brings hope into this ever-darkening world, and that is something that needs to be celebrated, especially this time of year. In a hope of somewhat repaying Him for all he has done for me, and in attempt to #LightheWorld, I have given away one of my beloved pictures of Christ (I mean, do I really need one on each wall of my bedroom?). I hope that the person who received my gift is able to feel the hope and love that picture radiates, as it teaches us the joyous news of Christ.