ONE THOUSAND APOLOGIES
I have a confession to make, and I am sorry to say that it may hurt many of you. Alright, deep breaths everyone. Get yourself mentally prepared for some pain, and some major disappointment in your friend, Negative (N)ellie. Here it goes:
If I have spoken to you within the last monthish about the Stinker’s homecoming, there is a 100% chance it has been a lie. (Yup, not even a 99% chance. A full 100%) I lied at church, I lied at work, I lied to family members, and I lied to friends. I’ve got a serious case of the lies you guys, and for that, I am truly, truly sorry. I am pretty positive that one is not supposed to ask forgiveness via blog, however, it would take my entire lifetime to apologize to all of you one by one. So, I am hoping that even though this is the world’s worst apology, you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe if you find out why I was lying, and the severe pain it caused me, it will make it easier for you all to overlook my terribleness.
So, about four months ago, I get this email from the Stinker. After recovering from the shock of actually hearing directly from my little brother, I realized I had received quite an interesting request. The Stinker was hoping to surprise my mother by returning from his mission a few weeks early. Excuse me, what now?!?! I could not help but pause, as I considered how upset my mother would be at realizing she had not been able to give my brother a hug the EXACT moment he returned home. Would her anger be directed at the recently returned missionary, who just happened to be the mastermind of this terrible plan? No! It would be pointed at me, the dumb person who went along with this horrible plot. I quickly wrote back to say that I was not sure surprising our mother was a good idea. The Stinker, however, was determined, and felt confident that my mom would love the surprise.
One may say I was a little stressed out about the whole situation, so I casually asked my mom if she would enjoy a surprise like that (emphasis on the casually 😉). To my somewhat shock, she stated that she would be perfectly ok with that surprise, and I quickly wrote back to the Stinker to alert him that the plan was a go! Unfortunately, the sneaky plan was somehow ruined, and the Stinker would not be able to surprise my mom by coming home early (I know you are all thinking that I was the saboteur, but I promise I was not!) Grateful that I would not have to lie to my mom for weeks on end, I settled back into life, and the Stinker and I went back to our routine of an email every six years. Then, the unthinkable happened.
I am not sure how he did this, but the Stinker managed to conjure up another way to surprise my mother. This time, he would be flying in only one week early, but I would still have to lie to my mother for a least a month. (Geez, I must really love that kid. He owes me. Like, a lot, a lot) Being the amazing, thoughtful, caring big sister that I am, I tried my best to bring about his wishes. At first, the lying wasn’t too bad. We talked about the Stinker’s homecoming every once in a while, but most of the time I was lie free. However, as it got closer and closer to his return date, it felt like I was lying every five seconds. And not just to my mom! All of my beloved friends and family were inquiring about the Stinker’s return, and I had to lie right to their face. It. Was. Awful. Not only was I stressed about makin’ it rain with all of the lies, but then I started having nightmares about ruining the surprise. To say I was the most excited to reach the Stinker’s return date was an understatement.
Finally, the day of his return had arrived, and I was just ready to get the day over with (ahh, can you feel the love I have for my little brother?). I had set up all of these activities for the day, grocery shopping, baking cookies with a friend, going to a play, all in hopes to distract my mind and help keep my mouth shut. Everything was going great, until New Mexico decided to get a freak snow storm and the flight got delayed. (Unfortunately, I had not had the foresight to plan activities for eleven o’clock at night) So, there I was, sitting on the couch next to my mom, trying to keep her awake, as she wondered how I was able to stay up so well (lying really keys up the old nerves). I was constantly checking my watch, and trying not to look too excited as the surprise crept closer and closer. Finally, I heard my dad opening the door, and in walked the tallest little brother I have ever seen. All the lying, nightmares, and stress were all worth it when I saw how happy my mom was. Despite many a doubt, she loved the surprise. The Stinker does really know her well.
So, I hope after reading that, you are able to forgive me. If not, I get it. I’ll try my best to make it up to you. We are so grateful to have the Stinker home with us. He has brought an incredible spirit home with him, and just his example is helping each one of us to be better. Love you lots, Stinker. Don’t make me ever do anything like that again. Ever. For real. Not kidding.