LITTLE CHANGES
Today is one of those days where I am staring at my laptop screen, wondering:
Why anyone bothers to ever read anything I write?
What in the world can I say that will be somewhat interesting?
Why do I always wait until the last minute?
Despite giving myself the gift of time, by switching my weekly blogs to bi-weekly, I still waited until the day before my deadline to begin writing (You know, I’ve been doing this a year now, so I am obviously a professional 😉). I just couldn’t think of anything to write about. I’m not someone who is highly committed to New Year’s Resolutions. I only make them if the mood really strikes me, and this year, that mood was just not there. So, no writing about my goals. I couldn’t really think of any noteworthy lessons I had learned over the past few weeks (probably because I tend to just learn the same lessons over and over again). The dogs didn’t do anything too particularly cute or noteworthy. We did have a pretty funny Grandpa Scavenger Hunt while we were in Utah, but I don’t think anyone besides us would get the humor in that. So, with my boring life in hand, I sit before my laptop, willing witty words to enter my brain.
The few thoughts that do seem to keep crossing my mind are reflective ones. With it being a New Year, one can’t help but think about how far she has come in the past 365 days. My initial reaction was, “Oh, crap!”, because it kind of seemed to me like my life hadn’t changed that much in the past year. Still living at home (and loving it, btw). Still a little confused as to what to do with my life (although I will admit, there has been some progress). Still fifth in line for favorite child. Still repeating the same life lessons. Still writing an award-deserving blog 😉. As a Negative (N)ellie, it can become pretty easy to get trapped in the “stills”. On the surface level, it can definitely seem like nothing has changed, and that I am not making any progress in life. However, as I take a step back, and really dive in, I am amazed by how much the Lord has shaped, blessed, and changed my life in the past year.
I think I may have made a career decision!
Now, lets not get ahead of ourselves. I have made this decision several times before, and as we can all see, none of those career choices have stuck. However, I will admit that this decision does have a different feel to it. There is a peace to it, and I really feel like it is the right one. I am going to be super cautious, though, and keep it to myself until I know for sure. I don’t want to jinx anything! Do you guys really want to hear my complaints if I go back on the career choosing decision? Trust me, you don’t. So, let's' just let it lie, and see what happens 😊
I have become like 0.5% less negative.
Progress, guys. Progress. I know I have somehow fooled you all into thinking I am positive (I don’t know who that girl is, and honestly, I’m not a huge fan), but I am a Negative (N)ellie, through and through. However, I have noticed a slight change in my negativity levels over the past year. I have become a little bit better about letting things roll off of my back, and learning not to dwell on the things that make me upset. Trying to focus on the things that are important in life, and the things that make me happy, have been quite the game changer. Hopefully by next year, I will be a whole percent more positive.
I have become braver.
Writing a blog, following the Lord’s guidance, and even finishing school, have all caused me to have a little bit more courage, and that is something I am actually really proud of. It has made me more confident in who I am, who I want to become, and what I want out of this life. I am learning to care less about what other people think, and more about what I want and what the Lord wants out of me. It is definitely a work in progress. However, when you learn whose opinions really matter in this life, it makes things a whole lot easier. Mild shock, my mother has been right this whole time.
My testimony has grown.
This year definitely had its up and downs. Looking back, I am grateful for the opportunities I had to strengthen my testimony and grow closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father. One of the common themes I noticed throughout this year was perseverance through hard times. When we go through a trial, or feel as if the Lord isn’t there, that is not the time to give up and stop doing the things we know to be true. Those are the times when we need to pray, read our scriptures, and serve others even more. I have seen time and time again this year, that as I cling to the things I know to be true during hard times, my testimony grows, and I am able to make it through the storms of life. I never regret staying close to the Lord during my hard times, but I always regret not doing it. I am so grateful for this building block I have added to my testimony.
So, yeah, maybe my big life decisions are still in limbo, but I am learning to be ok with that. I know the Lord has some incredible plans for me in this life, and I am slowly realizing that they are worth the wait. While those big plans form, it is kind of cool to see the little changes He has made in me. Although to others my life might look pretty similar to the one last year, I am aware of the changes that have been made, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.