ENJOYING THIS STAGE
I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I am a little bit of a worrier. I have just always had that responsibility bone in my body, and it loves to cause me stress and torment. I’d love to say that I’m really good at hiding that worry, but anyone who has been here for an hour knows all of my life’s stresses: Utah. Career. Marriage. People asking me about all of those topics. Despite constant attempts to analyze my concerns reasonably, they are constantly racing around the forefront of my mind. You’d think after the MANY failed attempts at planning out my life, I would learn to just roll with punches. Nope. I’m still over here in my own perfect world, where if I make a plan it is just bound to work out. (it literally never does)
My entire life, I have been waiting on a change in situation. Once I get to BYU, things will be better. Once I come home, things will be better. Once I go on my mission to Germany, things will be better. Once I decide on a career, things will be better. I’m always looking for the external thing that I can change that will make me happy. None of these changes ever really made me happy (except the mission, but maybe that was because I went to Michigan, and not Germany 😉). They brought occasional moments of happiness, but never any lasting joy. I think it is because I was so focused on the end goal and stopping the worry, instead of learning to enjoy the ride. All that mattered to me was what the change would bring, instead of what I might learn on the way to the change. Lots of fun was missed because of that mindset.
Even though I have prayed for so long to receive an answer on what to do, the pieces still aren’t fitting together completely. However, I am realizing now that I need to fight against my responsibility bone, and just enjoy life. One day, I will have to make a decision about a career to pursue and put in a lot of hard work to make it happen. One day, I will have to move away from my comfort zone. One day (and I promise those who are worried that this WILL come), I will find someone to marry and start a life with. One day I will be raising an army of dogs. However, that is not the season of life I am in right now, and I am just realizing that’s ok.
Even though my gut reaction is AHHHHH, it is ok to not have it all figured out right now. The Lord is giving me a growing period, to prepare me for those wonderful blessings to come. I may not be exactly where my nine-year old self thought I would be by this point, but that doesn’t make me a failure, and that doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy the season I am in. Someday, I will have a butt-ton of responsibility to deal with. Right now, I get to work at a job that I love, save money, hang out with my family, grow with my church family, and become the person I want to be. I’d say those are huge blessings, and great opportunities to be happy.
So, I am recommitting to have more fun with this stage of my life. I am going to attempt to ignore the constant pangs of my responsibility bone and enjoy where I am at. This is the only stage of my life where I can take the time to do whatever I want, and not worry about four million dogs depending on me. I can try new hobbies, learn new skills, read books, watch movies with my family, go on runs whenever I want, binge watch my favorite tv shows, and so much more. Instead of looking at my life as the waiting room before everything begins, I am going to start looking at my life as the adventure it really is.
So, bring on your questions! I’m strong, I can take them! However, my answers may be different from what they were the last time you asked me. Instead of awkwardly staring at the floor and saying, “Still trying to figure it out, I hope the Lord answers my prayer soon!”, I am going to say, “I don’t know! It’ll happen when it happens! All I know is, the dogs can wait! I really like the way things are right now 😊”