THE STAGES OF TEACHING SEMINARY FOR A MONTH
With that daunting title, let’s set the scene, shall we?
After having lived in South Eastern New Mexico for over a decade, I have become very accustomed to being a member of a small church congregation. There are so many great blessing about having a small group. My church is truly like my family, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I cannot imagine a better way for me, personally, to strengthen my testimony and become more like Christ, than living in a small congregation. However, having a smaller group does come with many responsibilities. We all have to pull our weight (and sometimes a little more than our weight) to help facilitate a wonderful place for every member to learn and grow in the Gospel. Most of the time, I actually really enjoy pitching in a little bit extra! It gives me more opportunities to serve and become more like my Savior. However, about a month ago, the Bishop asked me to pull what I considered to be quadruple my weight, and I was not a fan.
Seminary (or Early Morning Bible Study). For. A. Month. Excuse me, what now? Me? You think I can teach our youth some of the most important lessons of the Gospel, at 6:30 in the morning? Do ya know me? I am going to be a cranky mess while teaching them, because I won’t have had my NECESSARY run yet. Those kids are going to be begging to have a different teacher by the end of day one! Plus, I have the Gospel knowledge of a kindergartener. How in the world am I going to be able to teach them anything, or even keep up with them? Nope, sorry sir. You have got the wrong girl. Better keep looking!
These were the exact thoughts that were running through my head, right after I hung up with the Bishop. You know what my thoughts were while he was extending the call? Nothing. My mind was a complete and utter blank. I think I must have been dumbfounded at such an insane request. That is the only logical reason I can think of that explains the answer I gave the Bishop:
“Yes”
The word “Yes” came out of my mouth before I had any chance to stop it. As I hung up the phone, the realization of what I had just agreed to began to settle in, and then I began to go through some very intense emotional stages. I know you are all very interested to know my innermost thoughts and feelings, so, without further ado, here are THE STAGES OF TEACHING A MONTH OF SEMINARY:
1. Denial
Ahh, what a blissful stage this was. See, I had about two weeks before I had to begin actually teaching students, so I was really able to enjoy this stage. One would think I would use this time to really dive into the scriptures, and try to prepare myself spiritually to shape young minds. NOPE. I decided to take a completely different route, and pretend like the dreaded torture was not going to happen. I ran, watched movies, played games with my family, anything and everything, except acknowledging the fact that I was going to have to teach youth, early in the morning, for an entire month. (The poor parents of my students who are reading this!)
2. Anger
As the days leading up to Seminary grew shorter, my mood worsened by leaps and bounds. However, those moods could not compare to the one that came when the fateful day actually arrived. I awoke, way too early, and began to mentally complain about the fact that I was having to put on a skirt at 6:00 in the morning. My anger may or may not have turned to the man who asked me to fill in for this terrifying calling, but don’t worry, the Lord humbled me real quick. As I stared at my skirt clad self in the mirror, trying to contain my irritation, an important thought popped into my head:
“The Lord is asking you to do this. Not the Bishop”
Ahh, crapppp. You can’t really say no to the Lord, can you? Especially when He has blessed you with so much. With a much more humble heart, I jumped into my car, psyching myself up to endure the next month with a *hopefully* more positive attitude.
3. False Hope
After my first lesson, I was actually feeling pretty good. Bear in mind I didn’t actually teach it. I just sat in as the World’s Greatest Seminary Teacher eloquently captured the students’ attention, whilst also teaching them vital Gospel Principles. (I bet that is where all of those good feelings came from!).
“This won’t be that bad!” I began to think, “I bet the time will just fly by”.
Ahh, foolish, foolish girl, if only you knew what was coming in Day Two.
4. Reality Check
After teaching the World’s Most Boring Lesson Ever, I began to realize, once again, that the wrong person had been chosen for this assignment. I had such little Gospel knowledge, I was constantly fumbling over my words, and I couldn’t even be mad at some of the kids for not paying attention, because one could literally taste the boringness in the room. As I walked to my car after my terrible lesson, reality hit.
“Oh, no. I have to teach at least nineteen more of these. I am never going to make it! Those poor children! Maybe we should just label that hour of Seminary as a nap period, and call it a win”
As the days dragged on, there seemed to be very little improvement in my teaching abilities, and we all began a countdown to when the torture would end.
5. False Hope #2
“Wow! That was such a good lesson! Maybe I’m not half as bad as I think! Aww, I love those sweet children. They are so willing to help out and participate. What an incredible experience! I cannot believe I ever viewed this calling as a bad thing. I cannot count the number of ways I have been blessed because of this opportunity. This is amazing!”
Surprising turn of events, right? Well, don’t worry! This stage of False Hope lasts just as long as the first one.
6. Anger 2 (coupled with lack of sleep)
“WHY WON’T THESE KIDS LISTEN TO ME?! Hello, do you think I enjoy getting up and teaching you at 6:30 in the morning? No! I would much rather be in bed! I am only here because the Lord asked me too! You think you have seen angry, Ellie? Ask me one more time what chapter we are on, or throw one more shoe across the room, and we will see how angry I can get!”
And the award for Seminary Teacher of the Year goes to…
7. Anticipation
“FOUR MORE DAYS. FOUR MORE DAYS. I know I am exhausted, and I am running out of dresses to wear, but it is almost over. I can make it. I can make it. I can literally taste freedom, and let me tell you, it tastes good. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, prepare one more lesson, print off one more handout. Take it day by day. You’ve got this”
8. Saddness
As my final day of Seminary approached, I began to have the strangest feelings. Was that sadness I felt plaguing my cold, black heart? That seemed impossible! Teaching Seminary for a month had been one of the most difficult things I had ever done! I should have been thrilled to be steps away from the finish line. However, as the kids filed in on the last day, I could not help but feel saddened by the fact that I would not be seeing them every morning. I wouldn’t get to hear how their days had been, or have them make me laugh with their shenanigans. I wouldn’t be able to stand back in awe at the incredible insights they made, and at how serving each and every one of them was. My days would no longer start out in the absolute best way possible. That last lesson went by way too fast, and as I turned out the light, I could not believe the bittersweet feeling I felt in my heart. I was going to miss teaching Seminary. (I was as shocked as I am sure you are! I mean, we all remember that there were TWO stages of Anger, right?)
Well, here I am. A survivor of a Teaching Seminary for a month. There were times where it was so, so, so hard, but those were so outweighed by the amazing times. I learned so much from that month, but I am going to try and wrap her up here, since this rant, I mean *post*, is getting a little long.
The Lord never asks us to do things that He is not going to help us with, and that are not undeniably for our good. I never would have guessed it going in, but I needed that month of Seminary in my life. I am in awe of how much my testimony grew, and how much more Gospel knowledge I was able to acquire. I am so grateful for this past month, I know I am changed because of it. I am more serving, more loving, and the slightest bit more patient, if you can believe that! I am so shocked by all of the blessings I received over this month. Teaching seminary literally affected every single aspect of my life. I was protected, I was happier, I mean, the list of blessings just goes on and on. I am humbled by the fact that the Lord trusted me to teach some of His most incredible Spirits, and at how much He continually blesses me. Why do I ever doubt His guidance in my life?
Now, this is not a request to teach more Seminary. I have done my time. However, I am seriously so grateful for the opportunity I had to serve. To the sisters that helped me every morning, thank you so much. I could not have done it without you. To the kids, thank you so much for putting up with me. When I look at you, I see that our world is falling into some very capable hands. Thanks for teaching me so much, and loving me when I wasn’t very loveable. To my family, thanks for putting up with Extra Negative (N)ellie this month, she was pretty rough. To my Heavenly Father and my Savior, thank you, for giving me this opportunity. Thank you for providing your Spirit to guide the lessons, for teaching me so much, and for blessing me so much. This month has forever strengthened my testimony, and for that, I can never repay you.