FIVE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY SAVIOR
Can I just say that picking an end of the year blog post is A LOT of pressure? Like, July 17th’s blog post can be about something as silly as my love of German Fußball, but an end of the year post, right before Christmas? That post has to have some meaning and weight to it. So, one can imagine that I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed as the December 20th deadline came rushing towards me. After weeks of perusing the internet, I thought I had settled on what one could call an adequate topic. However, five minutes before I sat down to write that beaut, I felt prompted to continue my search for something better. I begrudgingly looked for maybe two minutes, when I came across my answer. What was that answer you might ask? (or not, because you already read the title of this post 😉) A journal prompt, that encouraged one to create a list of words that they would use to describe their Savior. This, was the blog post that I needed to write. What better way to celebrate the wonderful gift that we honor at this time of year, than by really pondering who He is to me?
Kind
Kind is the first word that comes to mind when I think of my Savior. Obviously, He is the kindest person to ever have walked the earth, having taken upon on all of our pains, afflictions, and mistakes, but He has done so much more than that. One of the kindest things that the Savior does for me, is He helps me to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God. I have very perfectionistic tendencies, which means one of my favorite hobbies is to beat myself up. I’m not righteous enough, I’m not pretty enough, I don’t work hard enough, the list goes on and on and on. It amazes me how quick I am to trust these fleeting thoughts and see them as facts that cannot be changed. The Savior, however, in His kind, loving way, reminds me of who I really am. He helps me to see through the lies I have created in my head, helps me to see myself as He and my Heavenly Father do, and helps me to remember that my processes of growing and progressing are enough.
Forgiving
I am constantly amazed at how forgiving our Savior is. I am a pill to work with, let me tell you! Even though I am trying my best to increase my faith, and trust in the plan that He and my Heavenly Father have created for me, I am very quick to turn on Them. When I cannot see the next few steps in my journey through life, I immediately begin to question His judgement, and blame Him for my stress and anxiousness. I’d say at least once every two weeks I send angry thoughts heavenward, such as, “Why are you doing this to me?”, or, “I knew this would never work out!”. Time and time again, I am proved wrong, and time and time again, my mouth is filled with the bitter taste of remorse, as I realize the unkind words I issued to my Savior. This amazing, thoughtful, caring man, does not give me the silent treatment as punishment for my doubt and anger. Instead, He quickly opens His arms back up to me, helps me through the repentance process, and brings comfort and peace to my heart, as He reminds me that I am His.
Persistent
The Savior is one of the most persistent people I have ever known. No matter how many times I turn away from Him, lose interest in His plan, or don’t trust that His Atonement could work on little old me, He always proves me wrong. In those difficult times, when I am giving Him the silent treatment, He chooses to pursue me, a person who is mean, untrusting, and obviously undeserving. He continually looks for ways to serve me through inspirational moments, incredible people, and intimate, unspoken conversations between He and I. Last year, when I was near to screaming at Him, for not giving me the answers I was so desperately seeking, He remained firmly on the path that He knew would be best for me. I am forever grateful for His dedication towards me. This life was perfectly tailored for me by Him, and even when I am so angry at Him, He does not sway from it. Instead of saying, “You know what, that Ellie is just too much to handle. I am just going to cut my losses and let her go”, the Savior chooses to stay with me. He comforts me through the heartaches, gives me the strength to dig myself out of them, and then forgives me for how I treated Him. Over and over and over again He does this, and over, and over, and over again He proves His love to me.
Personal
One of my favorite aspects about the Savior is that He knows me. How easy would it be, to create a blanket answer, that would solve everyone’s problems? How easy would it be, to solve my problem for me, so I would get off His back and stop yelling at Him? How much easier would it be, to delegate someone else to comfort me in my times of sorrow? The Savior, however, does not take the easy route. He took the time to personally suffer my heartaches, burdens, griefs, losses, and sins. The Savior of the world, wanted to know me. He wanted to know how it felt when I came home early from my mission, when I was rejected by a boy, when I fell out of my chair in chemistry and cried in front of everyone, or when I had to have a splinter removed. The greatest person to ever walk the earth, took the time, and takes the time, to know me, so He can guide my life in the best way possible. What greater testament of love is there? I have felt His tender, personalized answers so many times throughout my life. No problem is too big, or too small, for the Savior of the world. He has answered my questions, comforted my heart, and made me feel the most loved I have ever felt.
Peace
The final word that I chose to sum up my feelings of the Savior is peace. The Savior is the ultimate resource for peace in my life. When I was at BYU, I was so lost as to where to turn for rest in all the stress and hustle of school. Looking back now, I am so frustrated with myself for not recognizing that I could turn to Him! However, that was not the place where I needed to discover the Savior’s gift of peace. I needed to discover that gift in a small apartment in Michigan, on a cold winter afternoon, as I packed up my bags and prepared to return home early. As I tried to stuff one more thing into my suitcase, one cannot imagine the feelings of doubt and despair that circled through my mind. Was I really making the right decision? With a prayer in my heart, I continued packing, and was immediately overcome with intense feelings of peace, warmth, and comfort. The Savior was with me in that little apartment, reassuring me that the answer I had received the previous week was correct. As I reflect on that day, I can vividly recall those necessary feelings of encouragement and clarity that came over me. Since that day, I have continued to turn to my Savior for rest, and He has never failed me. The peace does not always come in the ways I expect, but it always comes, in the large problems and the tiny ones.
There are so many more words I could use to describe the Savior, and it makes me excited and happy to know that as I continue this journey with Him by my side, I will collect more and more beautiful words to describe Him.
I want to end this blog post with my testimony of my Savior. I am so grateful for this year, because I feel like it was a gift of time, given to me to allow me to get to know my Savior more. Studying about His life in the New Testament, turning to Him for reassurance about the plan I have created, and opportunities to grow and become more like Him, these are moments I would not trade for the world. I know Him. I know He loves me. I know He suffered for me, and because of that He knows me personally. I know that He has literally carried me through some of the trials of my life. I know that because He loves me, He wants me to be better, and is willing to help me become the best version of myself. I know His atonement is real, and that it really does wash away our sins, because I have used it countless times in my own life. I know that He loved us enough to suffer for us, because He wants us to live with Him someday. I know that He has the perfect plan customized for my life, and I just need to trust Him. I know that He loves me, despite my flaws, and will help me to overcome them. I know that He has felt my pains, my sorrows, my cries, and my frustrations, and not only has He been there, crying along with me, but He also answers the tender prayers of my heart. I know He is there, not only in the bad, but also in the good, celebrating my victories with me. I know that what I want most out of this life, is to become more like Him. I know that He is the greatest gift this world has ever received, and He proves that to an undeserving soul like me, every single day.
I love you all! Merry Christmas! Thanks for all of the support, and remember how loved you are by the greatest gift the world has ever known.