LOOKING FOR THE POSITIVE

January 22, 2020

On that ordinary Wednesday morning, I decided to do things a little out of the ordinary, and write my blog post a week early(as opposed to the norm of creating it the morning before). So, I went through my usual blog writing routine: I parked my bum on my couch, opened my laptop, stared at my screen, and rolled the question, “What to write?” around in my brain for twenty minutes. After searching the internet for way to long, I turned to reflecting on the experiences I had faced over the past few weeks. Recognizing that the emotions anger and sadness had been very common, I began to wonder if having a writing sesh about my recent feelings could be of aid to me.  

“This will be great! I can resolve some of my neglected feelings and write a post for next week. Two birds, one stone!”

Y’all, that blog post had so much potential! The blog started out with sweet instances of my friends and family supporting me through my trials. Next, I had planned to base the rest of my blog off of some much-needed advice a friend had given me. How could a post with those tender moments in it go so terribly wrong? Well, I will tell you how. I let my rage TAKE OVER. (that is seriously one of the rantiest of rants I have ever been on) I was upset, and I wanted the world to know. I wanted my feelings to be vindicated, heard, and respected.

“It will feel soooooo good to finally let others know how I feel”, I thought to myself.

Boy, was I wrong. After ranting and letting my anger run wild on paper for thirty minutes straight, I felt like complete and total garbage. Instead of being a therapeutic release of stress, this writing sesh had made me feel even worse than before. I chose to dwell on the frustration and pain I had felt, and *shocker*, that just led me to feeling more frustration and pain. I spent the rest of the day attempting to shake of the negative feelings I had created, but to no avail.

As I drove home from work, the last thing I wanted to do was go to Youth. I had a headache, I was cranky, and I was just not in the mood. However, I knew I could not leave my fellow leaders hangin( (plus, if I didn’t go, I would have been left with thirty cookies in my house. The way I was feeling, I may have packed on a few pounds.). So, I went to Young Womens with just about the worst of attitudes, and came out happier than I could have possibly imagined. Those bubbly girls never fail to make me laugh, gain perspective, and just put me in a better mood. Their joy is contagious, and I am so grateful for it. One moment in particular really stuck with me throughout this week, and has once again taught me how much power an upbeat attitude can have.

On that cold Wednesday night, one of my sweet Young Women received some not so great news. Being the amazing leader that I am, I immediately began to rise from my seat, knowing she would need a hug (which just shows how much I love these girls, because I am NOT a hugger). To my surprise, this amazing young woman did not need my support. She quickly put a smile on her face and looked for the positive in her situation. She has no idea how much she taught me in that tiny moment and helped to uplift the terrible mood I had created for myself.

I wish that I could be more like my Young Women, and look for the good in every situation. I am such a dweller! I tend to get so stuck in the hurt I am feeling, lathering up in the dirt and mud of my sorrows. It is almost as if I want to feel the pain, and not only that, I want others to recognize it, too. First of all, how sad is that?!? None of my “pain” deserves that kind of attention. Secondly, it is not at all helpful, as I witnessed last Wednesday. It is actually very self-destructive. I was in a terrible mood the rest of the day, all because I decided to roll around in my sadness.

As I spent the rest of the week attempting to follow this young woman’s example, and look for the good in my life, I could not believe how much happier it made me. My Heavenly Father has completely drenched my life in blessings, and it always amazes me how quickly I am to overlook them. My favorite song came on the radio. I got an awesome book suggestion. I had a wonderful day at work. The basset hound sat by me my entire run on the treadmill, and although I was terrified the whole time that she was going to try and jump on, it gave me a much-needed laugh. The Lord is in the details of our lives, and most of the time, those details are soooo good. Wounds, anger, and stress are sure to come, and although those times of trial stink, we have a little bit of a say in how strong that odor is. We can choose to be like Negative (N)ellie, and let the blues bring us down, or we can choose to be like my incredible Young Women, and choose to not let the sad feelings run our lives.

I am so grateful for the lesson that was taught to me last week. As I have attempted to become an optimist, life has been sooooo much better. I am not going to lie, I still have some hard feelings about my situation, because duh, that’s the name of my blog. However, as I choose to look for the sunshine in the rain, I can physically see the changes it is making. I am more forgiving, more open to how this hardship can change me, and I have lots more joy.

So, even though I am a little terrified that this lesson won’t stick (because let’s be honest, this is like the one billionth time I have learned this), I am going to choose to be upbeat, and hope that it will be with me for the long haul.

#faith