A RAY OF HOPE

Quarantine: Day 409234820348209348203

Ok, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but c’mon on! I know I am not the only one who feels like this quarantine thing is just Never. Going. To. End. The constant Deja-vu had been getting to me all week, but this morning, I had just about had enough.

I awoke on the absolute wrong side of the bed, and dragged myself up the stairs to work out with my mom. After a twenty-minute yoga sesh, which unfortunately, did little to bring peace and tranquility to my super cranky mind, I dragged myself back down the stairs for some breakfast. Even delicious, lemon pancakes could not cure my foul mood. Fifteen minutes later, I was lazily watching tv, rolling over the little plans I had for the day, and throwing myself a pity party.

As of late, it just seems as if my life kind of has no purpose. With no work, and having finally unpacked most of the boxes, I was finding very few fulfilling activities to occupy my day. With each day that literally crawled by, I could see my dream of going to Cosmetology School in January fading to just beyond my reach. How in the world was I going to pay for school when I had missed over a month of work? I missed “my” clients, I missed my friends, and I missed my church family. The quarantine blues were getting to me, and instead of fighting against them, I was slowly but surely allowing the negative mindset to take over.

As I absentmindedly looked for something to watch on tv, I decided to give up on being productive. Instead of stressing and worrying about making my day matter, and finding purpose, I decided my time would be better spent sitting on the couch, watching movies, and gorging on anything fattening I could find. As I mentally went through our snack stockpile, I realized we really didn’t have anything good. Recognizing that I would never get to Cosmetology School if I wasted all my money on snacks, (plus, I don’t think I could pass the situation off as an “essential” trip to the store) I back tracked my plan, and attempted to find some sort of fulfillment in my day.

Feeling lost, overwhelmed, and alone, I sent my eyes heavenward, and begged for the strength to get through the day. Suddenly, I remembered that I had missed a key step in my morning routine: Scripture Study. Uggghhhhh, that was the last thing I wanted to do. Moping around seemed like so much more fun. However, I knew my entire day would feel off if I didn’t bring in some much-need spirituality. So, I managed to peel my butt off of my comfy chair, trudge back to my bedroom, and kneel by my bed to pray.

As I prayed, I began to feel this slight feeling of positivity creep over me. It was quite the alien feeling, ya know, being who I am, but I decided to run with it. As I stood up from my prayer, and read my scriptures for just TEN MINUTES, everything changed. I found this newfound desire to start my day over. 9:35 was when my day was really going to begin. And ya know what? That is just what I did. After reconnecting with heaven, I really was able to start fresh, and begin a new day. I had hope in my heart, a desire to work hard, and a feeling that I had purpose. My day flew by, as I found fulfilling activities to occupy my time, including watching a Zombie movie with The Stinker (which surprisingly I actually liked), journaling, and connecting with my sweet Young Women.

One of my "worst" days in quarantine reaffirmed to me how incredible this Gospel is. We have never gone too far, to not be able to turn things around. Relying on our Savior and Heavenly Father, we can gain a new perspective, change our attitudes-hey even our very soul-and remember the important purpose our lives hold. I am so grateful for this Gospel, I am so grateful for a Savior and Heavenly Father, who hear my silly, pathetic prayers, and use my trials to help me become better. I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, through which I can always change my course to a better destination. Christ suffered every one of my hard times, even my “quarantine blues”. He knows exactly how nasty, negative, and angry I can be, and yet, He still always welcomes me back with open arms. Whatever mistake I have made, or however cranky I become, He is always there with hope, and the guidance to help me get a fresh start.

So, in this difficult time, when it seems that we will be stuck in this cycle forever, remember that through Him, there is always joy, a fresh start, and hope. With him, we can find happiness in the hard days, perspective to look for better things to come, and lessons that will help us to become the best version of ourselves. With Him, there is always a ray of hope. Keep fighting, guys. We got this!