ARE YOU COMING BACK?

We begin our blog today with a tough pill to swallow. One that I am not usually forced to take, leaving me unprepared for the actions such a situation requires. And yet, here I am, bravely walking into the unknown, to do the right thing.

Alright, here we go.

“I was wrong.”

There, I said. It’s done.

I was wrong. Guys, I was wrong. I was wrong! And what was I, the person who never makes a misstep, incorrect about?

This. Her. The whole situation.

Now, I feel it is my duty to inform you that I was indeed correct about some of the assumptions made in my public defamation of Oakley Ann. I haven’t completely lost my edge.

She is a handful and a half. She still can’t quite grasp the concept of “outside is our bathroom”. Her kisses are always interspersed with nips. She most certainly does not have an “inside voice”. She drives both myself and the other dogs crazy. And, last but certainly not least, her sacrificed shoe collection doubles in size nearly every day.

Yup, I was right. But, I was also wrong.

Because, though often salty, she is also very sweet. She’s one of the best cuddling dogs we’ve ever owned. She makes me laugh on a regular basis with just one flash of those crazy eyes. Despite my outright hatred of her at the beginning, feelings that were always vocalized, she loves me the best. She follows me around. She enjoys just sitting by me while I write or read, something none of the rest of my family would enjoy. (But can we really blame them?)

Yes, she is the best of times and the worst of times. One of my favorites, and one of my enemies. My student, but also my teacher.

Pictured above is an action shot my mother managed to capture of Miss Oakley Ann, minutes after I had left to go to a Primary Activity.

Look how she waits for me, searches for me, wonders if and when I will be back. How could one not adore a love like that?

You can’t. It‘s not possible. Which leads me into the real topic of today’s blog past.

Lately, I have been Oakley, and not just because all of the time we spend together is morphing us into one being. No, I‘ve mimicked Oakley’s movements because I too have been waiting, searching, wondering.

Are you coming back?

It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? As if heaven has pulled away from us? Lost and alone, we call out and we plead and we beg for someone to hear us, but no one is there? Somewhere, in the midst our drowning, They’ve walked out the door, making us wonder if They will ever return to help us.

Congratulations, you’ve just gotten your own snapshot of my life. As if the picture of the dog didn’t paint it clear enough.

I don’t think it’s odd to pass through moments in this life when we feel isolated. Times where prayers feel unanswered and actions feel unrewarded are common to us all, but unfortunately, that consolation prize does not make passing through them any less painful.

Why? Why are these times necessary? Why are my pleadings not heard? Why do sought-after blessings not appear? Why can't this weight be lifted from off of shoulders? Why would They leave me?Why do I have to do this by myself?

Well, despite almost never being wrong, I do not have all of the answers to the questions of life. I’m sorry if you feel that is false advertisement, but that is where we are. I don’t know any of the answers.

Except for the last two.

Because, They did not leave us, and we do not have to do this alone.

Oakley was right, I had left her for the smallest of moments, an hour and a half at most. She was deserted by the person she loves most, stuck with two clearly incapable caretakers as she waited for my return. And this is where we all differ from Miss Oakley Ann.

We are never abandoned. We never have to carry the entirety of our trials on our own. They are always there, and I am more than happy to prove it to you.

Just yesterday, Sunday February 6th, each one of these encounters occurred.

A friend shared a joke with me.

A friend asked if they could give me a hug. A couple I had just met offered guidance and an opportunity to help me pursue my dreams. A friend showed me beloved pictures of her grandchildren. A child paid me a compliment. A child smiled at me. My mother played a game with me.

Someone was more than willing to help me with a problem.

All these actions occurred, mind you, on a day when I was fooooorrrrcccinnng myself to go to church. Without my meager responsibilities and the promise of a laughter-filled Singing Time, I can almost guarantee I would not have been there.

I felt overwhelmed, overrun, irritated, ignored, and most definitely riding solo.

And then, in just a few short hours, They showed me I was anything but. I was, I am, surrounded by love, Their love. Through inspiration, promptings, and just the goodness of others, I was reminded that I am never by myself.

They are always there, watching over me, working mini miracles in my everyday life. They have never left my side, but are always along for the entirety of the ride. There for every high and every low, and with my recovering negative attitude, trust me, the lows are in abundance.

So, no, I cannot answer the other questions listed above. I don’t know why hard things happen. I don’t know why it sometimes feels that our cries or forgotten, misplaced, or unwanted. I don’t know why I am being forced to walk though the trials that lay before me. However, I do know one very important thing.

They love me.

They love me more than I can comprehend, more than I love Oakley. Just as my heart is warmed at the sight of that little dog waiting for me, Their hearts undergo similar feelings and emotions. I’m sure it pains Them to see us struggle and suffer and beg for relief, I’m sure They would love to take the ache away. However, They don’t, because They love us.

They love us enough to push us to the brink, to test us and try us and turn us into people we would not even recognize. People more like Them. Enduring our wails, They wait with us until the hardship has passed, all the while sending us reminders that They are there. How happy it must make Them to see us waiting upon Them, doing our best to seek Them out though we are questioning if They are even really there. How wonderful it must make Them feel to see us trusting Them.

Because here, again, we must differ from Oakley. Believe it or not, when I returned an hour and a half later, she was no longer awaiting my return at the door. Instead, something most likely shiny or covered in some kind of food crumbs had distracted her, leading her away from her watchtower. ’Twas she that left me.

We cannot afford to do the same. We do not want to do the same. Steadfastly, we must wait by the door, ignoring the thoughts of “Where are you?”, and “Are you coming back?” that enter our mind to torment us. We already know the answer, so why ask the question?

They are there. We are loved. We are heard. They never, never left.

Through it all, and in it all, Their fingerprints can be found, molding and shaping the best possible blessings we could ever imagine. This is a promise made that will never be broken.

For our part, all we have to do is wait. Wait and trust in Them, never asking the question, “Are you coming back?”.