CHOOSING HOPE

You guys want to do know something that really gets under my skin? (of course you do, why am I even asking 😉) Falsely advertised appointments. Here are a couple of examples:

· A quick trip to the grocery store where you happen to see every person you’ve ever met in your entire life.

· The dentist’s office is a little behind schedule, so you get to do the nervous dance in your seat for twenty minutes.

· You pull into the drive thru, already starving, and the line is spilling out onto the street.

Those moments are the worst, right? Well, I had a lying appointment a couple of weeks ago, and let me tell you, IT ROCKED MY WORLD. Not only did this meeting go well over the twenty minutes I had allotted for it, but it double blindsided me by shooting my stress levels through the roof. What was supposed to a fast, light-hearted meeting had me asking questions such as, “Why do I even bother anymore?”

Unfortunately, I was unable to shake off the feelings of anxiousness, defeat, and pressure that I had been gifted at my meeting. I spent the rest of the day staring off into space, biting my nails, and snapping at my family. Shockingly, none of these activities eased any of my worries, in fact, they just made me feel worse. As the night wore on, more and more questions crowded my mind.

· How am I going to get out of this one?

· Am I ever going to be able to reach my goals?

· I know the Lord could help me in any situation I might face, but why can’t I feel His help?

As I often do, I found myself on my knees, begging for the peace & assurance &

guidance I was so desperately seeking. I’m not sure what was so different about that prayer, it started out as any other, with me complaining a lot. However, as I pleaded with the Lord for his intervention, something changed. Suddenly, I realized He desperately wanted to give me the hope I was pleading for. It was I that was keeping His gifts from flowing through me. Sure, I was begging Him to release me from struggles and stresses, claiming that I believed in His trust and guidance, but did I really? Did I truly believe, deep down in my heart and soul, that there was no need to worry, because He had it all under control? Or, were those just the words that I felt obligated to say, but never really believing the promises they contained?

As the string on the lightbulb was pulled, suddenly, it was as it was as if I was seeing everything with fresh eyes. See, hope is not the passive thing I had always believed it was, it’s a choice. It’s not a wish, it’s not a positive vibe, it’s not this figureless things that one can never quite grasp a hold on. Hope, is a tangible, real thing, a safety rope we can cling to with all our might, that will help to carry us through our deepest trials. However, using hope is an active choice, and not just that, but a hard, courageous choice. Choosing to not just say the words “I am leaving this in your hands, knowing you will take care of everything”, but actively choosing to let go of your worries and stresses and griefs. Choosing to trust in His plan, whatever that might be or wherever it might lead? That is one of the bravest things we can ever do.

So, by the grace of God, that’s what I did. Instead of wallowing in my self-pity, looking for the worst, and for sure finding it, I chose to have hope. I actively chose to put my life, my stresses, my weaknesses, my activities, my heartaches, EVERYTHING, in God’s hands, knowing he would shape them into what was best for me. I took each day as it came, each trial as it came, each, “Just wait” as it came, each “You can do better”, as it came, and instead of wishing it away, or sinking down in the feeling that I had failed, I chose to have faith. I chose the tough road of believing that this road, the one I was on right now, not the road in the future, or the “what if” road, but where God had place me right now, was exactly where I needed to be. The trials I am going through? All a part of the plan. The weaknesses I have? Not failures on my part, but specifically woven threads in my plan to help me become the best version of myself I can. Heartache and sorrow? Painful and difficult, for sure, but also times to grow my faith, knowing that ALL of this is His plan.

Now, I am in no way saying that choosing hope each and every day is easy. I don’t think it’s supposed to be! In the world we live in, actively choosing to look for the good, to look for God in every aspect of our lives, and believe whole heartedly that there is a purpose in all of this? It’s flippin hard! It is so much easier, at least for me, to wallow in the negative. The negative seems so much more logical sometimes! Like, of course I must have missed a step somewhere, why else would I still be living at home at twenty-five years old? Not getting my allotted tasks done for the day? Obviously a failure. This weakness I struggle with? A horrible punishment that I cannot just wish away. Those all seem like correct assumptions, right?

WRONG!

What if, this is the exact plan the Lord has in store for me? What if by not living at home, I missed out on some of the incredible things God has in store for me? What if not getting all of my tasks done for the day was a blessing in disguise, because it allowed me to play a game with my family? What if this weakness is actually an opportunity to gain strength, not just in myself, but in the Lord?

Choosing hope, choosing faith, choosing the Lord, it is so hard sometimes, especially when we are in the lowest of lows. When it feels that not only the world, but even God is against us. Gasping for air, we wonder how in the world things could possibly get worse, and somehow they always do. Hope is not for the faint of heart, but take it from me, it is soooooooo worth it.

You guys would not believe the DAILY miracles I have seen, just by actively choosing to believe in my God. To trust wholeheartedly in His love for me, His plan for me, His desires for me, and His knowledge of me. He knows me better than anyone ever will (even Mamma Mia), because He has been where I have been. He has walked more than ten thousand miles in my shoes, and He has proven His love for me time and time again. He has given me countless reasons to trust in the hope that comes through Him, so why wouldn’t I use it? Why wouldn’t I choose to be happy, choose to be more loving, choose to be kinder, choose to have more peace in my life, choose to have confidence? Since choosing hope and actually believing in Him, these are the incredible blessings I have witnessed.

Don’t get me wrong, the hard times come, and they stttttiiiiinnnkkkkk when they do. However, now that I am more aware of how my choices impact me, everything is different. In my moments of weakness and heartache and struggles, I turn to Him not just believing, but KNOWING He will help me. Will it always be in the way I want? Goodness no! However, that doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore, because I choose to trust in Him. I choose to look for the good in each situation, and when I can’t find it, I trust that He would never lead me astray. If I have to struggle through a trial, it’s for a reason. If I have to wait, it’s for a reason. If I have to be strengthened, it’s for a reason.

I am by no means perfect, and there have been many times since that terrible meeting (don’t worry, I halfway to earning my drama degree 😉) where I have forgotten to choose hope. Where I have slipped and yelled at my family, wished for an inconvenience to just go away, or just let the sadness overtake me. However, instead of giving up in those moments, I am doing my best to choose to have hope. To bravely try again and ask for His help, knowing that it will bring me joy.

So, dear reader, I challenge you to be brave. I challenge you to not let the worries and the stresses of the world get you down. I challenge you to choose hope. I know that so many of you are going through trials that I could not even imagine, trials I could never walk through. You’re bravery astounds us all, and you should never be ashamed for just making it through the day. I can’t imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to find hope in those moments, but through Him, it is possible. It may take time, but the sunshine will come, prayers will be answered, guidance will be given, and the love of Christ will be felt. All it takes is one little choice. One little choice, to watch the miracles abound.