CREATION IN THE CHAOS

Let’s paint a mental image to begin today’s blog post, shall we?

I want you to imagine a hypothetical twenty-six-year-old who, after what she described as the worst week of her life, (please ignore the fact that many weeks in her existence have been described as such) she could be found as she usually was, in the middle of her bed, sulking.

Apparently, such actions were the mooch’s attempt to make the best out of her Sabbath day. (Her words, not mine) While mentally preparing for the week ahead that she feared would be no different from the last, a scratch sounded outside of her door.

Hauling herself off the bed, cursing the dog who had summoned her, she was shocked to find not one, not two, but three dogs waiting to enter her lair of darkness. Seeing as the room is most aptly named, it is rare to find all three gremlins asking for entrance, unless a bright shot of sunshine, the girl’s mother, leads them there.

Positive that this scenario and grouping of living things would not last more than a few moments in her dungeon, the mooch allowed them access. However, she resisted the urge to relax again, for she knew she would be up again momentarily to let one of them back out into the hall.

To the girl’s shock and a small amout of irritation, all three dogs ended up on the bed beside her. Actually, “beside her” may or may not be a generous term. Somehow a basset hound, a yellow lab puppy, an English mastiff, and a twenty-six-year-old managed to squeeze and Tetris themselves into place. Barely.

Naturally, the basset hound and lab, ignoring the bad attitude lurking in the air, felt this the perfect time and place to begin a wrestling match. Shaking her head at the audacity, the sulker looked to the foot of the bed, and could not help but laugh at the scene she found there.

Laying across the girl’s ankles, not at all crushing them, was the 185 pound mastiff, looking as if nothing of interest was occurring around her. In fact, if memory serves, she was doing her best to “sleep it off”, eyes closed and hopes high.

The girl continued to smile to herself as the scene around her faded into a chorus of snoozes. With a basset hound on her lap, a mastiff to her left, and the lab chewing the sacrifical running shoe at the end of the bed, the mooch could not believe the answer to prayer had come so quickly.

Ok, I’m tired of typing in third person. You wouldn’t believe the extra brain power it takes to do so, and I’m still exhausted from trying to convince Oakley that Lulu’s ears are not the toy they appear to be. It’s me, I’m the mooch, (shocking, I know) and this is my story.

Lately, life has felt like the scene on the bed that Sunday afternoon. Hideous chaos that no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to control. The pleading, the begging, the crying, the whining, none of my usual tactics seemed to have any effect on my current situation. Instead, it seemed, things were spinning more wildly out of control, and there was nothing to do but hang on and enjoy the ride.

Except, guess what? I’m not enjoying the ride. In fact, I hate this ride.

I came to my room that Sunday afternoon to throw myself a pity party. However, before the streamers were hung and the sherbet was plopped into the punch bowl, I decided to give my pleadings one more try. What would one more try hurt, right?

My ankles, that’s what.

”Please, please just tell me what to do. Whatever it is you need me to learn, I’ll do it. Just show me the way.“

Minutes later, the scratch at the door arrived. Now, we could take this answer literally. When people ask me what the plan for my life is, I could say that sitting in a bed full of dogs was the answer the Lord provided me.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I try to convince myself and others, that reply doesn’t hold the weight and conviction I would like it to. The real answer, however, does.

“Trust in me.”

The start of the new year brings a different course of scripture study for the next three hundred and sixty-five days, and in 2022, that is the Old Testament. While studying the Come Follow Me lesson a few weeks ago, a line in the introductory paragraph struck me particularly, and has been repeated to me many times in the weeks since. It reads,

“One thing the Creation story teaches us is that God can make something magnificent out of something unorganized.”

There is no better word to describe my life at the moment.

Unorganized.

Chaos.

A whirlwind of confusion.

Need I go on? And no matter how hard I try to look with my spiritual eyes to see the perspective and the blessings and the lessons that God has placed along the way, I cannot see them. All I see is disorder, and a disorder that feels as if it will never be righted.

But it will, and it does, and in the chaos, God can create wonders. You know how I know that? Sadie Grace.

Somehow, in the midst of a full on brawl occurring right next to her, she found peace. She found rest. She found the ability to ignore the craziness surrounding her and just be. Through her nap she taught me an invaluable lesson, and was the answer to the prayer I had just raised.

Just as she did, we can be mollified in the madness, because He makes with the madness. When it all feels lost and there is no way out, He is there, He is in it with us. He knows why it is there, He knows how badly we want it to go away, and He knows how to create within the chaos.

Right now, it feels as if my life is a winding path with no concrete destination. I try and try to do as He asks, to follow the promptings He places before me, to be the very best I can be, for Him. However, it seems as if I am always falling short. What I do is never enough, who I’m trying to be is not enough, none of it will ever be enough. Not to me, not to the world. I’m lost in a sea of my own thoughts and other’s opinions and I can’t seem to find my way out. And, it doesn’t seem like I will ever be able to.

But, He can. In fact, He promises there is a way out. He can create in the chaos, He has a plan in the pandemonium. I just have to trust Him.

Following Him. Adhering to the whispers He places in my mind. Living my life in a way that would make Him proud. Doing the very best I can in each moment that passes, whatever that might mean. That is all He asks. Just to do what I can, and He will take care of the rest.

Someday, it will all make sense. Looking back, the pathway behind me will be oh so clear, and it will be obvious how I made my way out of the “supposed” chasms I thought I was drowning in. He will have created it.

Until then, all I can do is hold on. All I can do is trust Him. All I can do is follow Sadie Grace, and search for His peace in the storm, because it is always there. A little bit of calm created in the chaos.