DO IT MESSY

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Body tense with frustration, I wrestled both with the comforter and the thought of placing the pillow over my head and ignoring the sounds.

“Maybe if I wait just a little bit—“

Oakley Anne quickly alerted the entire neighborhood that waiting was not an option.

Throwing off the covers of protection, I stumbled out of the room sans slippers and sans light. This was going to be a quick in and out in the yard, nothing more.

Unfortunately, the use of the light switch was required to see the kennel’s locks.

Looking far too happy for 4:00 in the morning, the yellow lab bounded out of her sanctuary, tackling me and trying to get me to join in her excitement.

A fool’s errand.

Directing her outside, I watched from the porch as she searched for the perfect spot. Finding it, eventually, she tore around the grass a little, before heeding my calls and coming to my side.

Back inside, I looked to the room that housed her kennel longingly. How nice it would be, to stick her back in her crate and drift off to sleep.

A fantasy. Her choruses of barks would start almost instantaneously, waking all and keeping me from more coveted, necessary sleep. And, as the only mooch with no job in our abode, there was only one place for Oakley Ann to end up.

In bed. With me. Gazing out the window and barking at the shadows.

With a day starting out like that, how could it not continue swimmingly?

Exhausted. Irritated. Fuming. Sobbing. Have I named enough emotions yet?

My day continued as it had begun. Distracted, I could not force myself to write. Halfway through my run, I had to stop because I couldn’t see through the tears. Several cookies were consumed before noon. Daily chores were pushed off into the nearest horizon.

Just, success all around.

However, proving that miracles do happen each and every day, I was able to turn it all around.

The dog sat in my lap, and licked the tears from my face.

An incredible writing session was achieved.

The yard was picked clean of all bathroom remains.

The human’s bathroom was then cleaned.

Dinner was thrown in the crockpot.

The run was completed.

I did it. I did everything I’d set out to accomplish on the day of my worst nightmares. (What’s life without a little drama?)

I did it messily, horribly, and with a chocolate-rimmed mouth, but I did it.

At the end of the day, the achievements were still there, even if not in the way I had wanted or hoped.

Getting it done is enough sometimes, and I can assure you it is enough for Him.

I sometimes discourage myself further during trials. Just barely making it through, with sorrow stuck in my throat or anger surging through me, there is this voice in the back of my head, alerting me that I could be doing more.

I shouldn’t just read my scriptures. I should want to read them.

I shouldn’t just pray to God, begging for help and peace. I should be grateful to talk to Him, and express that gratitude eloquently.

I shouldn’t just do the dishes and serve my family. I should do it with a smile plastered on my face.

I shouldn’t just choose faith. I should let it never waver or be questioned. I should never doubt.

I shouldn’t be upset when plans don’t go my way, begrudgingly agreeing to follow Their's instead. I should submit joyfully and whole-heartedly.

All great goals to set or hopes to someday achieve, but many times there are days when that is just not going to happen.

When I have to pull myself through praying, serving, studying, everything. When I can’t see the end, when I don’t understand, but furiously, I choose to hold on. Not completely believing it is going to work, but leaning on past Ellie, the one who knew, to get me through.

A lot of times I complete the things I need to messily, and that is ok. Perfectly ok. Wanted and needed and appreciated, in fact. When it is hardest to do it, that is when the Lord is excited the most. When we turn to Him, despite it all. When rather than let the world in, we choose Him.

He’ll accept our efforts to draw closer to Him any way we can give them. He doesn’t care if they are snotty, irritated, emotional, squeezed in between a crazy schedule, or covered in chocolate. He loves it all. He works it all for our good.

He counts it as a success. And so should we.

Just do it messy.

P.S. If you are looking for a book to help you do just that, I'd highly recommend Embracing the Broken by Tiffany Webster. So good.