HE KNOWS ME

2:45 on Monday afternoon. The New Mexico sun filters through the blinds to my right, causing ribbons of sweat to trickle down my back, contradicting the fact that it is mid-October. The broom in my hands scrapes against the floor, as a stray hair clings with all of its might to the groove in the tile it now calls home.

“You can do this.”

Though this thought has been circling in my mind for weeks, it seems as if each turn pulls a thread from its rope of strength, simultaneously weakening its power and my resolve. Exhaustion, confusion, hopelessness. These are the foes that have sought a personal vendetta against me, their pointed blades well-versed with the holes and weak points in my armor.

A movement just outside the glass-paned door catches my eye, my teeth sinking into the flesh of my lower lip, physical force necessary to keep an irritated groan at bay. Plastering a smile on my face, silently planning my rebuttal against the hair on the floor, I turn to greet our client who has unintentionally cut my battle short.

Imagine the shock and relief that crossed my face, as my mother stepped through the door, a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her hands, and a beaming smile on her face.

“Who are those for?” I ask, eying the gorgeous, orange sunflowers with dreamlike wonder.

“Well for you, of course!“ she cheerfully replied, her smile somehow doubling, as she places the pot in my hands.

How could she have known, that just moments before, my trials had once again seemed too much for my feeble shoulders to bear?

How could she have known, that what I desperately needed that day was a physical reminder that I was loved and thought of?

How could she know, that the memory of her beaming smile and giddy appearance would bring me comfort, even days later?

Although I am in full belief of my mother’s incredible intuition, I don’t think it was she that knew this time. I think it was Him.

He knows me. How powerful is that statement? The creator of the universe, the carrier of all people’s sins and heartaches, the Savior of the world, knows me. Not just knows me, but knows me intimately. He knows exactly how I’m feeling, right now, in this very moment.

He has felt my restless nights of sleep, as I struggle to select the next right step. He has felt the physical force that is sometimes required to get me in the car for another commute to work. He has felt the tears that roll down my face, as I fight against the weakness that I dislike in myself. He has felt it all, because He went through it all. He knows exactly how I feel, and He knows exactly what I need in each and every moment.

He knows when I need a little extra strength to get through the day. He knows when I need a good laugh with my coworkers, to pull me from my spiraling mind. And He knew, that when I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel, flowers from my mother would give me the boost I needed to keep going.

Although I’m overwhelming appreciative for the moments He steps into help, when the storms have passed, I am almost more grateful for the times He was silent. Always there, encouraging me to go on, but allowing me to develop my own strength. See, He doesn’t just know my frailties and faults, He also knows my current strengths, and my future assets that lie dormant within me, just waiting to be unleashed.

He knows my incredible potential, He knows the resolve I posses, and has far more faith in it then I ever will. He knows the immense amount of joy and pride I will feel, when I successfully reach the top of this mountain. He knows the talents and characteristics I need for this life, ones I can only gain through these trials. So, He steps back, always there to lean on, but allowing me the space I need to grow and become the best me I possibly can.

So, despite the voice in my head that tells me I can’t, I know I can. I know I can endure this trial, and not only that, I can thrive in this trial. I can see things from His all-knowing perspective, using the hard times to develop my character and create my favorite version of Ellie, yet.

As times continue to get hard, as they surely will, I can reflect on my mother’s childlike smile, and the beautiful flowers she gifted me, and remember that He knows me. In the hard and the great, He knows me, and He has the happiest life planned for me. If I trust in Him, and allow His plan to shape me, I will be able to see more and more, just how much He knows me.