MY SAVIOR

"So, Ellie. How has the Book of Mormon helped you to draw closer to your Savior?"

Guided by the Spirit's subtle whispers, I looked to the sweet, faithful woman the Sister Missionaries were currently teaching, and answered the question that had been posed by one of the Sisters.

"I'm someone who struggles to understand the love her Savior and Heavenly Father have for her. I can see that They love others, but when it comes to myself, I have a disconnect.

Reading the Book of Mormon has helped to show me who my Savior really is, specifically through the words of the prophet, Alma the Younger. He was kind of a naughty boy, but as he speaks to his son about how Christ redeemed him, you can feel the power in his words. He was freed of the burdens of his past mistakes, because of Christ."

Testifying of Christ. As a child, I knew that was something we did. I saw it performed by many every Fast and Testimony meeting, and sometimes even found myself on shaky legs and with heart beating out of my chest following suit. We spoke of Christ, we spoke of what we knew to be true.

And although I know the Lord loved and accepted those tender-hearted declarations of a child, ones that often took tangents and odd turns, I have no doubt now that my testimonies today have more power in them.

No, that's wrong. I've seen the kids bear their testimonies of Christ to the congregation often, and there is nothing more powerful than that.

So, I guess what I'd say is the weight behind my words has changed. Because, over the course of the last year of my life, the Savior has testified of Himself to me. Personally, individually, specifically, and perfectly. The Savior has become My Savior.

And now, I understand why people want to share what they know of Him. How He has changed their lives. The miracles He works. The forgiveness He offers. The hope He freely gives. When you know Him, you can't help but want to shout about it. You feel it your obligation, one of your heart's deepest desires, to allow others to feel the love that your Savior constantly bestows upon you.

So, as a prelude to Easter, the holiday that literally changed the world as we know it, in homage to the man who makes my soul sing, and as a way to attempt to repay Him for all He has done for me, I feel it my duty to tell you what I know about Him. To share with you My Savior.

My Savior makes me strong.

I've said it once, and I'll say it agian, the last couple years of my life have been HARD. Stretching, growing, changing, enduring, all of the unwanted "ings" have seemed to fill my days. And I hated it. And resented Him. And begged for it all to go away. My trials, my heartaches, my tears, and most definitely my weaknesses. I pleaded for all in my life to magically be fixed...and it didn't happen.

My Savior loved me enough not to give me what I wanted or thought I needed. He loved me enough to leave me where I was, because He knew of the vast improvements it would make to my life.

My Savior changed my attitude. He helped me to see myself as He did. He reminded me that we were always in this together. As I turned to Him, He gave me the ability to rise up to meet the challenges in my life. And as much as it pains me to say it, I am so grateful for it. His strength, this confidence, this ability to turn to Him and face what comes, I cannot describe how it makes me feel. Accomplished. Capable. Strong. He has strengthened me, and I can never thank Him enough for it.

My Savior makes a fresh start possible.

A few days ago, after a long weekend and perhaps a few emotional outbursts, I blew up at my family. Blllleeeeeewwww up at them. All the stress I was donning was spewed out on those I love most, and as often is the case, the explosion didn't even make me feel better. It made me feel worse.

So, as we gathered for family prayer, and with the whisperings of the Spirit supporting me, I asked my loved ones for forgiveness. It was a gift they immediay gave, but an even sweeter one came from my Savior immediately after.

A fresh start. All of the worries and stress and mess ups of the day were gone. The moment I repented, I could breathe easier, see more clearly, feel joy, and look forward to the next day of new beginnings.

Those feelings of a fresh start come directly as a result of our Savior's sacrifice. Suffering for our sins, we can be free of them, becasue of Him. We can move on, they don't have to stain us. We can take the next step with relief and a lifted load.

My Savior understands.

Sometimes, I worry as I utter a prayer that is fueled by frustration and a broken heart, that it won't be accepted. That the Lord, who is the last person who should hear the words, "You don't understand!", will turn His nose up at my complaints. Because, as the one who not only really does know exactly what I am going through, but also whose only goal is to bless me beyond measure, it makes sense that He would get annoyed by Negative (N)ellie. I know I do.

But He doesn't. The Savior never ignores us, though we might deserve it, or brushes away our feelings that are unreasonable or silly to others. No, He wants to hear it all. He wants to listen to it all. He wants to help with it all. Because any step we take, even an irritated one, is a step that bring us closer to Him.

So, no, He doesn't belittle our feelings. And He doesn't want us to feel guilty when our faith is lacking or our resolve falters or we make another mistake. He wants us to keep coming to Him. My Savior, my friend, wants to hear from me, and when He does, He offers the most understanding comfort possible. Because He gets it. He knows in a way nobody else does. And then, He sends a Primary child with a hug, or a word from a friend, to remind you that He really, really does. He really understands.

My Savior brings clarity.

My mind can oftentimes be a jumble of lies and comparisons and worries and stresses and made up, worst case scenarios. And I can't lie, there are times where I succumb to those delightful voices, allowing them to fill me with fear and confusion rather than faith.

My Savior has given me tactics to fight against those voices. By reading His word, by arming myself with the truth He proclaims, but acting as He would and looking outside of myself, I have clarity. I can see. I have joy. I am in awe of the wonderful, beautiful life I have before me. The life my Savior gave me.

My Savior celebrates with me.

The other day, I had a super exciting success present itself to me. I know, I was as shocked as you are 😉

I found myself skipping, my heart seemed to beat more excitedly in my chest, and I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face if I tried. (Which I didn't. I kind of liked it there.) The joy in my soul was present for all to see.

And underlying it all, I could feel My Savior smiling with me. He didn't offer up an, "I told you so", or remind me of all the times I'd doubted His plan for me. Nope, He celebrated right along with me. My happiness was His happiness. Always is.

My Savior answers prayers.

There are times when it feels like no one is on the other end of the line when I am pouring my soul out to the Heavens above. As time passes and requests go seemingingy unaddressed, one begins to question if prayers are ever answered, even with all the evidence presented in times past. Sometimes it just feels like you are being ignored.

I cannot count the number of prayer my Savior has answered over the past year and a half. Small ones, to find a lost item or bring bravery to a trial or even be blessed with a peaceful night's rest. And large ones, often filled later, but in miraculous, jaw-dropping ways that make you question why you ever doubted in the first place.

I've come to know that My Savior truly does always answer prayers, and not just the ones that ask for something. He answers the ones that sound like a conversation, or a question, or the pleadings to just not feel so alone. My Savior answers all my prayers, blessing me with more than I could ever deserve, and a deeper relationship with Him.

My Savior is hope.

Hope. That's a word I've despised at times. How could I have hope in the face of what I am going through? How could I have hope when things are just so, so hard? How could I have hope that things are ever going to change?

Because of Him, that's how. My Savior has shone me that there is hope, joy, light, excitement, peace, everything good to be had in all circumstances of our lives. He has proved to me that, "this too shall pass", and that has brought me immense relief when hardships seems to drag. He has tutored me me to look for the good in each and every day. He has taught me the power that comes from including Him in all I do.

My Savior has helped me to become less of a Negative (N)ellie. He has given me my happiness.

My Savior forgives.

How many times have I screamed at Him? How many times have I let Him down? How many times have I turned my back on Him? How many times have I dismissed Him, trusting my own voice over His?

Does He ever hold it against me? No. Not once. My Savior is eager to forgive, to move on, to start fresh, to remind me of His love, to allow me to use that love, and then to become a little better by doing so.

My Savior is my teacher.

I am in awe of who the Savior has helped me to become over the last eighteen months. I am so completely different than that girl from 2022, I'm almost unrecognizable. And it is all due to the lessons my Savior taught me.

My Savior taught me I am stronger than I think. My Savior taught me I can do hard things. My Savior taught me no trial lasts forever. My Savior taught me He knows me. My Savior taught me of my worth. My Savior taught me of the desire He has to have me tied to Him. This dead weight, can you believe it?

My Savior taught me there is always hope. My Savior taught me the power that comes from the simple things. My Savior taught me what a joy it is to know Him. My Savior taught me that He is the best guide for my day. My Savior taught me that He is always cheering me on. My Savior taught me that His plans for me are far better than any I have for myself, and somehow seem to defy the logic of time and space.

My Savior taught me that I am doing far better than I believe I am. He taught me He is proud of me. And especially this year, He taught me how loved I am.

That, is My Savior. He is my everything. He is literally my strength and my song. I don't want to let one day pass by without allowing Him to be in the details.

However, the beautiful thing, is that He is your Savior, too. Your personal, perfect, wonderful Savior. Please, don't act like me and wait until the trial of all trials comes to believe Him. Come to Him. That is His open invitation to all, always.

He is the miracle worker. He is our Lord. He is the Prince of Peace. He is our comfort. He is the Risen Savior, and I hope by some miracle, my words have helped you to better know Him.