STAMP OF APPROVAL

My younger brother is the best gift giver I've ever met. Possibly in the universe. He is just so thoughtful, putting genuine time and effort to find the perfect present for those he loves. I am lucky enough to be counted as one of those people.

On the other hand, each and every Christmas and Birthday, I am left feeling like the worst gift giver in the universe. After getting something hand-picked for you, it can leave one feeling pretty lame after making a selection from the list your receiver provided.😬

So, this past Christmas, after watching my brother open his not-so-surprise gift, I was stunned to unwrap what he had picked out for me. I shouldn't have been, as shown by the evidence listed above, but I was.

A book stamp. My younger brother got me a book stamp. Something I never, ever would have thought to get myself, but now an object I cannot imagine my life without.

What is a book stamp, you might ask? It is a personalized stamp, one that can be placed on the pages or the inside cover of one of your best friends, alerting any who open it to the fact that this book is yours. You claim it.

Which is key, because my shelving space is limited. (I actually probably need another one, if we are being honest😬) With real estate space that is shrinking by the second, the physical copies of books I choose to own are important to me. They are special. They are loved. They are stories I want to have at my fingertips every second of every day, allowing me to relive them at a moments notice. These books have my stamp of approval.

Unfortunately, as of late, I haven't felt qualified to give that same stamp of approval to my life. I didn't want to claim it. I didn't want to own it. I didn't like where it was, or where it seemed it wasn't headed. I was embarrassed of it. I wanted it to change, desperately.

I'm not sure what brought on this viewpoint. There have truly been times in my twenty-eight-years of being on this earth when I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. There was no doubt in my mind. I was confident that God had me right where He wanted me.

I'll admit, those moments were few and far between, but I have felt them.

But as of late? We are looking at a dry spell in reassurance. Or, at least what felt like one.

Perhaps it was because after months of waiting to hear back from a publisher, mooonnnnnnttthhhhsss, I just didn't. Nothing. Nada. No rejection. No acceptance. No closure, just confusion.

Maybe it was my birthday. Twenty-eight almost puts me at ten years out of high school, and I can guarantee this is not at all where I thought I would be. My current situation didn't even cross my mind as an option. 😂

It could be because I've been struggling to feel Him lately. Sometimes it appears as if there is this wall between us, and no matter how high I climb, I still can't feel Him. Can't see Him. I've lost Him.

Or, it could be the horror that was online dating. I did it, you guys. I took your suggestions, I put myself out there, and nothing. Yup, we're back again. Nada. Nope. Zilch.

Can I pose just one question for the universe. Why does one agree to the torture that is online dating, swipe on someone, and then...that's it. You connect, and just leave it? No effort at conversation whatsoever. You just wanted to go out there and let people know, "Hey, I find you interesting, but not interesting enough to act on it?". Infuriating.

But, I digress.

My life has just felt...off lately. Lacking. A little empty. Missing something, but I can't quite put my finger on what.

And, don't you say that it's a relationship. If you'll see above, I tried that. I did the swiping back. It's not my fault that was the end of the ride.

Confused at to what exactly was wrong, or what I should do, or how I could fix things, the Lord kept showing me a step forward. And I kept dismissing it.

Ask for a blessing.

A blessing, in which someone holding the priesthood of God can bestow blessings of healing, guidance, aid, comfort and so much more upon you, is a sacred moment. It is special. It is a time when you can really feel God speaking to you. It is not something that should be taken for granted. It is an opportunity that should be treated with the reverence it deserves.

As such, I felt uncomfortable asking for a blessing at this time. There was nothing really wrong with me. I wasn't sick. I wasn't afflicted. I was just feeling a little lost. And I wasn't even really sure what to approach my dad with when I requested a blessing.

I was embarrassed. I felt unworthy. I just did not want to do it.

Which, as you can guess, meant I needed it all the more.

Finally, after days of ignoring the Spirit, I couldn't take it anymore, and I caved. I asked my dad for a father's blessing, a request he willingly and lovingly fulfilled.

As I stated earlier, blessings are significant. They are holy. They are pure. The specific messages my Heavenly Father relayed to me through my father that night are too tender for me to share here. It wouldn't feel right, and it wouldn't be correctly showing Heavenly Father my gratitude for His incredible aid.

But, it does need recognition. It does need to be proclaimed. His love for us needs to be known.

Because, with my father's hands on my head and my Heavenly Father's words flowing out of his mouth, I realized what my life had been missing. Or, what I thought my life had been lacking.

His stamp of approval.

My Heavenly Father approved of this life. The one He gave me. The one He crafted. The path He is leading me down. He approved of it. He signed off on it. He endorsed it.

This perfect gift He had given to me, personalized and detailed, to bring me all that I wanted in the world? This moment is where He wants me. And He wanted me to believe that. He wanted me to know that. He wanted me to trust that.

To trust that He knows what He's doing. To know that He has a work for me to do in this current state. To recognize that my goals, my end results, might not be His end results. To understand that He has a different outcome in mind, one that is far better than I could ever imagine. To trust that if things need to change, He'll let me know.

The Lord has put His stamp of approval on my life. He has me right where He wants me. And by believeing that, I am able to put my own stamp on it. To believe it. To enjoy it. To ignore my worries about what other might be thinking with a little more strength.

Because, He knows me best. And if He says this is right, it's right. I can lay claim to this life because He already has. He approves it, and I just have to keep following His lead.

In the wise words of one of my favorite people on this earth, (How did I get lucky enough to have three, awesome grandmothers?) my Grandma J reminded me,

"You have your head on straight. Your life is full. Enjoy it."