TEMPLE BLESSINGS

"I promise that the Lord will bring the miracles He knows you need as you make sacrifices to serve and worship in His temples." -President Russell M. Nelson, "Becoming Expemlary Latter-day Saints"

This blog post is a vulnerable one, but one I know needs to be shared.

The House of the Lord. A place of miracles. A home for incredible service. The beginning of eternity. My entire life, these were the truths that I was taught about temples.

These pieces of heaven on earth were spaces where one could puncture the veil the clearest, and better feel connection to your Savior, your Heavenly Father, and even those who have passed on. Beacons of hope, lighthouses of strength, protections for refuge. Due to countless lessons in church and at home, when looking at a picture of a temple, a quiet peace filled my soul. I knew it was a place I wanted to be.

And, as I entered the temple doors for the first time, I knew that all the truths mentioned above were confirmed. However, my assumption about how I would feel there, was anything but correct.

The temple is not a place I have enjoyed going. In fact, oftentimes, it has been a place I had to force myself to go. Because I knew I was supposed to. But I didn't want to.

And that fact scared me. A lot.

Perhaps it was because of the inevitable headache I would receive from the round trip, six-hour car ride.

Perhaps it was because at this point in my life, I would never have guessed that I still would not have started my forever there with my best friend.

Perhaps it is because I am selfish, and the sacrifice of a day sometimes seems too much to bear.

I have a feeling each of these points contributes to my less-than-love of the temple. But in reality, there is one, blinding flaw of my own that results in my ongoing struggle with the House of the Lord.

Pressure.

I put so much pressure on the experience. From my own inability to serve perfectly, to the lack of answers or understanding I always seem to come away with, my exit from this place of peace always carried a feeling of lack luster.

Along with those lessons mentioned before, I have been riveted by tales of others who went into that beautiful white building. Weighed down by the world and the questions nagging their souls, while inside, the voice of the Savior could be heard, painting a picture of what was to come. Or steady calm and serenity would light their souls on fire. Or even, a random stranger would walk up to them, giving them the answers they needed to live by.

These were the treasures I thought one would receive in the temple. But I never had.

And because I never had, driving that dusty highway in the far too-early morning just did not seem worth it. Ruminating over the spectacular moments that had again not happened was not a downward spiral I wanted to participate in.

However, I kept going. One, because I am a rule follower 😂 But two, because I kept hoping that someday it would be my turn. That my miracle would appear.

I went literally the day after my world came crashing down around me last year, confident that in this moment of confusion and pure heartache, vision would be given. Sight would be regained. Hope would be found.

Nope. Nothing. I went a couple of times during the last year, and each time came away with what felt like zero relief.

So, when the time for my quarterly trip came around, you can imagine my excitement when I found the session completely full. Not one seat empty. I was off the hook, but had still put in some effort. I was good.

Until I checked, again, later in the week, and found that a few spots had opened up.

Begrudgingly, I went to reserve my place, and could not do it. I just couldn't. The thought of sacrificing my entire Saturday to come home defeated once more, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

Until, a quiet whisper in my head said, "Yes, you can."

This wasn't a judgemental voice. It wasn't one that was trying to force me into going. It was one who understood my fears and reservations, but wanted me to know that I could do it if I wanted to. I could do hard things.

Filled with a quiet confidence, I secured the last open seat. And more clarity came.

What if my experience didn't have to be so hard?

What if I didn't put so much pressure on it, on myself?

What if, instead of going in expecting something, I went in viewing it for what it was? An opportunity to serve.

What if I looked at it as a chance to fill myself with spiritual power, even if I didn't have a testimony that such was what happened inside the temple walls?

What if I could do it?

Released of that weight, I felt at peace about going. It changed everything. I wasn't excited to go, but I was open to going.

And Heaven was opened to me.

The whole trip felt guided and uplifted. The car ride went quickly, I was protected on those early morning backroads where people are more reckless, and I trusted that I was going to be able to serve someone.

But, of course, what I couldn't see, was that the Lord has sent someone to serve me.

Seated by the sweetest, most vibrant elderly woman, I was given the friend I needed to get through those moments in the temple when I started to slip into old habits. Worries. Confusion. Pressure.

Along with telling me that I was darling and beautiful, this woman quietly chatted in my ear during the quiet moments of the service, distracting me and reminding me why I was there.

"This is a good thing, you and I are doing. I am so glad I got seated by you."

That angel on earth will never know how much she helped the struggling girl positioned next to her that day. I am so, so grateful that I got seated by her, too.

Leaving the glorious building and walking out into the August sunshine, it was one of the few times I had left the temple feeling good. Not relieved to be done, but just at ease.

But, as a shock to none, that wasn't the end of my miracles.

Nope. On the car ride home, I got my answers. After years of going to the temple and expecting an answer, I finally got one in the dusty flatland of the desert. The phone call I received couldn't have been more than three minutes long, but it was everything I needed. It made everything so clear. It eased the tension I had been holding in my heart for far too long. It showed me that my Heavenly Father and Savior were completely and utterly aware of me. That They knew me. That They loved me.

In one six hour trip, my view of the temple has shifted completely. I can see the beauty that everyone has been talking about my whole life. My eyes are opened to the power it brings into one's life. I am in awe of the specific miracles that were sent my way that incredible Saturday.

By releasing the burden I put on myself and the whole of it all, I finally felt like I was walking the halls of the House of the Lord. I felt Him. I am forever changed.

And not becasue some of my questions were answered, or because I finally got the experiences I had been seeking.

No, it's because I finally understand the reason behind the temple. To serve. To aid. To draw closer to God. To renew promises I've made with Him. And for just a moment, to step away from it all. The worries, the stresses, the heartache. To dive into this piece of Heaven on earth and let it change you. Empower you. Comfort you and send you on your way.

I am grateful for the temple and the blessings it brings, which is something I never thought I would say. I know it is the House of the Lord, because I have finally allowed myself to feel Him there.

For more information on what happens inside a temple of God, or what that even is, please click this link.