THE LORD KNOWS BEST

"Do you have a crush?" The sweetest girl asked, looking up to me with wide eyes and innocence.

Perhaps it was because we were making Valentines Cards. Perhaps it was because one of my worriers had put her up to the task. Perhaps it was because she had joined that camp herself. The world may never know why the subject was broached, but I have to admit, I never expected an interrogation session given by my Primary Children.

Smiling down at her, I shook my head. "No, I don't have a crush."

"Why not?" She wondered, her eyes drifting back and forth between me and the heart in her hands.

"Well, there aren't very many boys around here my age." I explained, gathering bits of construction paper to put in the trash can I was currently toting around with me.

The girl with the curls nodded in understanding, laying the conversation topic down. But don't worry, the blonde across from her picked it up with a gusto I had never seen before.

"You're not married?!" She exclaimed for all to hear. Luckily, that was not the newsworthy story she thought it was. Everyone was aware of my status of singlehood.

Grinning, because I knew she knew the answer to her own question, I still supplied her with one. "No. Not yet."

What unfolded was one of the hardest attempts to find me a man I have ever witnessed. I had thought my Grandpa was on top of it, conversing with potential suitors behind my back. Wrong. I had thought the caring members of an older generation in our congregation had proposed every possible solution available. Wrong. I was even prepared for the day when my father would take out in ad in the paper, "Spinster in Need of a Husband. Can Cook." As of yet that has not happened, but never say never.

This spitfire of a blonde has them all beat. I can assure you. Running through every member of the male population she was aware of, she suggested them all as possible candidates for my future spouse.

"The President?"

"He is really old."

"Bigfoot?"

"He's not real."

"Oh wait. I saw something that said he got married."

Side note: Bigfoot is married and I'm not? Maybe things are getting desperate 😂

"Santa Claus?"

"He has Mrs. Claus."

"My dad?"

"I think he wants to stay with your mom."

"My brother?"

"He's too young! I'd end up in jail."

"What about the class my dad teaches?"

"The Young Men? Again, jail."

"A Leperchaun?"

"Not real."

With all the fictional characters she named, she couldn't have picked one of my book boyfriends? There's like a gazillion of them.

There were so many more, and each one made me laugh harder and harder. By the end of the evening, as we were making our way out the doors, I tried to sway her to a more reasonable approach.

"How about you make a list and bring it to me on Sunday?"

With fear written in her eyes, she worried, "But what if you get a boyfriend by then?"

Ahh, the hope of a child. It really just forgoes all sense of reality, doesn't it?

After assuring her that such a predicament was indeed impossible, we parted ways, and I wore a smile on my face the entire ride home. And into the next day, honestly. I had needed that joy, that silliness, that expression of care and concern.

Because I know what you are thinking. Not two weeks ago, I was standing tall and proud on my soap box, giving my, "Martin Luther List of Dating Complaints". (Thank you to the friend who gifted me that GEM of a line.) I was lamenting the interrogations and the set-ups and the looks of pity that many give me, the poor Old Maid from New Mexico. My approach to these very similar scenarios could not be more different, and I am here to tell you why.

This one came from love. And I know, they all come from love, but, just look at what that hilarious child kept repeating throughout the whole ordeal.

"I can't let my best friend not be married!"

Oh, goodness. How can one not turn into a pile of mush at that? It's just not possible!

Her words, all her words, strung together with laughter and snorts and hugs, helped to give me a peace I was desperately seeking after. A truth I'd heard before, but clearly need to hear again, and again, and again.

The Lord knows what's best.

How do I know that? Because, He lets me be loved by the two girls mentioned in the story. Two girls I would have missed the chance to get to know, along with all of the others in our little hoard, had I not acted in faith and accepted my calling into Primary.

See, when we first moved to our new town, I was secretly praying to be called to work with the Young Women. That had been my calling in our old home. It was one I felt confident and secure in, and one I hoped would allow me to see some of my sweet girls I had been forced to leave behind in the move. I had hoped that after all of the unwanted change, the Lord would give me this.

So, you can believe my shock when instead, I was called into Primary. Children? They were going to put me in charge of children? Me? I was going to be trusted with the care and tutoring of some of God's most precious spirits? The girl who had no desire to have children? That girl?

No. No Way. Nope. They got the wrong Sister Ash. Clearly, they meant my mom, The Mary Poppins to my Wicked Witch of the West. She was the one that was great with children. Kids flocked to her in great, surging waves. While to me, they asked, "Where's your mom?" It was obvious to all that she was the woman for this job.

And, I never clarified, so maybe they really did mean my mom. But, because I'm a people pleaser who doesn't know how to say no, I said yes. And, it was the best yes I have ever given.

Gosh, I don't deserve those kids. Any of them. They are far, far too good to me. The love that you get when you walk through the Primary doors is overpowering, all consuming. It is one of the closest things I have felt to the Savior's love, only topped by that of a mother's.

Children are the best, but specifically, those children. They have saved me more times than I can count. They have gotten me to church on the Sundays that were hard. They have filled me with sunshine at times when all I saw was gray. They have sat next to me when I felt alone. They have made me a better person. They have made me happier. They have fueled my desire for children of my own one day. They have helped to show me who my Savior really is.

I can never, ever repay all that my Primary Children have done for me.

So, see? The Lord really does know what's best. He knows what He's doing. Even when it seems like nothing good could come of what He's bringing you to or through. Even when life just seems like the worst. Even when the end of the tunnel is light years length in sight. Even when the challenge set before you seems terrifying and far out of your wheelhouse. He has a plan. He has a way to work it all for our good, better than our good, to our joy.

When publisher after publisher after publisher turns you down? A step in the right direction.

When differences in big dreams and distances always accompany the guys you actually have a connection with? There is hope to be found.

When the trial you desperately want relief from just doesn't seem to be moving? More blessings than one can imagine are written throughout it, and will conclude it.

These are all hypothetical scenarios, of course 😉

The Lord knows best. Trusting Him is worth the wait. And it doesn't have to be the faith of a Primary Child who thinks her leader will somehow get a boyfriend in the next three days to do it 😂

All we have to do is give it to Him, and watch the miracles unfold.

The Lord knows what's best.

"I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path pockets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father."

Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord" (October 1995)