THIS IS NOT A RUT
Sometimes the ruts of life are so hard.
With all your might, all your prayers, and all your tears, you continually push the gas pedal to the floor. In your rear view mirror, you can see the mud your tires sling as you push to gain traction, to move forward. Yet, with each continuing moment, it seems as if you are only digging yourself deeper and deeper.
Splattered in the gunk of your past mistakes, you know there is no point in continuing to struggle, but you cannot help yourself. Once more, you watch the dirt fly, until finally, you give up. Throwing your hands in the air, you are forced to admit the inevitable truth.
You are stuck in a rut.
Stranded on the side of the road. Constantly reminded of the missteps and wrong turns that led you to this moment. Completely and utterly abandoned, left to unearth the path home all on your own.
But, what if? What if the impossible is true? What if this entire time when you believed you were stuck in a rut, the Lord was doing His best to show you the real truth?
You are not stuck in a rut. In fact, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
I know, I know. This odd positivity sounds nothing like me, and maybe you are beginning to questions whether my lengthy time spent in my own rut has led to delusions. Though that is quite possible, in this one instance, I have to negate your logical assumptions.
With mud covering every inch of my body, and with every ounce of fight I contained drained from my very soul, I finally became humble enough to admit the truth. The truth that others had been trying desperately to get me to see, the truth that the Spirit softly whispered to soothe my soul, and the truth that had been staring me in the face the entire time.
I am not stuck. I am right where I need to be.
It is a secret to no one that this is not the life I had planned for myself. Like many, I had a detailed and charted course of where my life would lead, leaving me devastated when the Lord felt it necessary to stray from that plan.
However, over the past several years, I was able to forgive His creative choices and see that where He had led me was much better than anything I could have hoped to plan for myself. Unfortunately, being the foolish mortal that I am, I quickly fell into old habits again, and to the surprise of no one, similar results ensued.
As with every other human to walk planet earth, 2020 ruined the plans I had set for myself. You’d have thought, with the beautiful views He had brought me to before, I’d be more trusting of the man who gave it all for me. Unfortunately for the both of us, I am not the most trusting of people, leaving us right where we had begun. Back in the rut.
For several months, but especially so in the last few weeks, I have been doing everything in my power to extract myself from this rut. As a shock to none, that mostly means complaining a lot. Burying my tires deeper in the wet earth, it did not take me long to reach the end of my strength. With tears charting new paths across my dirt caked face, I slumped back on my seat and let my loss win out.
Well, sort of. I mean, I for sure wasn’t trying anymore, but that’s not to say I didn’t want things to change. Sitting in the dark by myself, feeling ridiculously sorry for myself, and continually wishing to be free of my rut. That seemed the be the never ending cycle I had unknowingly stepped into.
Then, right after things seemed bleakest, the sun began to rise, casting a beautiful light on where I actually was.
Right where I needed to be.
Through the “failures” of life, the constant mistakes and the backroads that led to nowhere, I was brought to the exact destination the Lord had intended for me, and I am so, so grateful for it.
Covered in the remnants of what I assumed were blaring faults, the light of Christ has shown me the hopes and dreams and future that shine through underneath. That glow makes me grateful for every splattering of mud, every tear, and every moment spent in my rut.
How could I have ever hoped to give up these dreams I had no idea we’re buried so deep in my heart? Would I ever have been willing to give up this time I have gained with those I loved most? What about the lessons I have learned? The time spent bearing my soul to Christ, showing Him the real me as He did the same? Would I ever be willing to part with that knowledge?
No. Never.
So, to you, my two readers. At least one of you has to be feeling stuck at this moment. With each plunge of your foot on the gas, you become more and more wedged in the shoulder. The dirt is so thick, you can barely make out the cars that fly past. And yet, you are embarrassed by every one that passes you by. If only you could be like them, sailing through life completely unscathed, having followed your plan to a “T”.
Do not despair, do not compare your journey to others, and do not give up hope. Stop staring at the rut. Stop memorizing it’s curves and indentations, each trail of tire tracks that has led you to this moment.Turn your face to the sun, and let it’s light illuminate your truth.
This is not a rut. This right where you need to be.
This is where you come to know your Savior, really know your Savior. Not just for who He is, but for who He is to you. This is where you make cherished, cherished memories. This is where you learn the toughest lessons, the ones that make you strong, and help shape you into the person you want to be. This is where the start of your wildest dreams begin.
This is not a rut. This is a necessary stop, a trip down the scenic path. This is right where you need to be. You’ll know it to, if you just allow the light of Christ to light your way.
“That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”
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