WONDERFUL TRIALS

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend recognized the difficult time I was walking through, and sent me a scripture to help lift my spirits. The scripture reads:

Alma 37:37

37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

Upon receiving this heartfelt message, I sent a distracted thanks of reply, tucking the scripture away, but not recognizing how it could apply to the hardships I was currently facing. The last few weeks have been spent almost entirely on my knees, begging and pleading with the Lord to direct my path, resulting in what seemed to be added heartache and pain. This scripture may have been applied perfectly to me throughout the happy moments of my life, but deep in the trenches, it seemed to be of no aid.

Despite my disregard for this almost mockery of a scripture, it has impatiently remained in the wings of my mind, jumping at its opportunity to shine in the spotlight. A particular line in the verse was especially persistent, tugging on my sleeve throughout various moments of the day, making sure it’s presence was known.

“And when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up [at the last day].”

If anyone could stand to be lifted up, it was me.

For weeks and weeks and weeks, I had focused solely on my trial. Analyzing it from every possible angle, making plan after plan to combat it, and diligently asking the Lord for guidance. These are all important steps to overcoming a hardship, but they seemed to be coming up fruitless, each time I returned to them. What other counsel did the scripture offer? To give thanks to the Lord, the moment we wake up.

Squatting in my pit, how often have I chosen to just thank the Lord? Not ask Him for anything, or if we are being honest, demand, not whine, complain, cry, or wallow, but just spend the time on my knees in thanks to Him? Trust me when I say, it was not very often.

So, that was where I found myself when I woke up this morning. Cocooned in my favorite blanket, cross-legged by the side of the bed, sleep still rimming the fringes of my brain, I began to thank the Lord.

A few minutes in, memories of some of my hardest trials played like a movie across the inside of my skull. Normally, the moment my toe is dipped in the waters of this memory, I immediately push it away, grinding my teeth as I brace for the sharp stabs of pain and embarrassment that are all too eager to attack my heart. Today, in the midst of my gratitude, things were different. This morning, these scarring memories were bathed in the sunlight of happiness.

I know, I was as shocked as you are. Reflecting on these trials no longer brought to mind images of young Ellie, tears rolling down her cheeks, as she screamed at the Lord for help and relief. Instead, moments of pure joy were brought to mind, as recognitions of the mountains I had climbed, and the person I had become because of them, overcame me

I love who I have become, I truly love her. She is kind, she is faithful, she does her best to seek out joy, and she knows her Savior. The young girl who trudged up the steps of the JKB at BYU did not contain these qualities. She was not confident in herself, she had just a spark of faith, and she was always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She was not happy. She was even more unhappy, however, dragging herself through those trials, at a loss as to how this could be God showing His love for her.

Those rough patches, though difficult and uncomfortable, were oh, so necessary. Smoothed over by time and work, they have helped shape me into the woman I am today, and I would not give them up for everything. In the thick of things, I would nit have been able to contain my laughter, if someone had tried to convince me that I would ever be happy to walk through those trials again. Yet, here I am, years later, leaping from my place of gratitude on the floor, more than willing to do it all over again.

That led me to think, what will thirty year old Ellie think of the trial we are walking through right now? Will she look back with anger and resentment, documenting this as the time that God revealed His true colors? No, I believe thirty-year-old Ellie will view me just as I now view nineteen-year-old Ellie, with love, compassion, and an overwhelming ache to show her how much we needed our growing periods. I believe, five years from now, this trial will be one of the high points of my life, gifting me blessings I would not dare part with.

So, as usual, the scripture did in fact apply to me. Although my trial is far from over, I am choosing to not so easily succumb to its taunts and pitfalls. With my head up, focused on the light that is Christ, my future of faith and happiness is illuminated.

Who would have ever thought that trials could be so wonderful?